Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My New Yers Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie smith
    ASL Info:    20/f
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 75/61/24
    Words: 376
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 964
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2499



    Description:
       ROSE PARADE


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy New Yers Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My nerves on edge
    My stoumach knotted
    My heart beat irregular
    Skipping random beats

    the moon still out
    A are the stars
    Dotting the sky
    Still inky black

    I eat my breakfast
    With jiddery fingers
    Shaking slighty
    I eat what I can

    I'm exhausted
    But can't sleep
    Nerves and excitment,
    The culprets to blame

    As the sun rises
    I'm standing in a cold wind
    Whild mixed with the brease,
    Nerves and emotions flair so high

    The orders and yells, cries and shouts
    Hang thickly in the air
    Each section plays a lasting note
    Hoping unison in their nervous song

    My breath comes ridged
    My heart pounds wild
    As shakily I walk to my spot
    and a yell to attention is heard

    I take a breath
    Close my eyes
    Raise my tool to my mouth
    As whisels sounded moments before

    A focused stream of breath
    Runs through a flash of silver
    And melodic voices spread like mist
    As my feet start to walk a strict march

    I snap my head
    The croud goes wild
    The melody flows
    A wild, peacful river

    The sun warms the song and the face
    I stand up straight,
    My shoulders square
    My breath normals

    I see the sign for the blue and gold
    A tornado, a sign
    I swell with pride
    And play my best

    On and on an endless flow
    Cameras flashing in the soft sun
    But O! just wait!
    Talent is needed for the part to come

    The turn unfolds
    But straight I keep it
    Molding, forming in perfect, praticed precision
    The croud cheers and pride swell once more

    It seems forever that I walked
    My aching feet I don't think of
    For tire I may, but the croud does not
    But we're here to please

    But all to soon
    It's done, it's over
    I scream and cheer for blue and gold
    For they're my colors

    My feet were aching
    As are my arms
    But a smile on my face
    And pride in my heart

    Now joy and pain
    And unbearable pratices
    I made it
    It,s done
    Now there is only one thing left to say
    BUTLER BND ... WE KICKED ASS!!!




    Submitted on 2007-01-04 18:50:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are numerous, and I mean numerous, spelling errors in this poem. But...I am not going to go through and stab you with them. Instead (don't droop your eyes yet), I am going to focus on the wonderful poem before me.

    Ah, a marching band. Stay true to your school, huh? That myst truly have been a difficult thing. I can just imagine the lengthy, repetitive and monotonous practices. Yes, they truly must have been tiresome. But the result was pure, smooth, marching band perfection!

    Everyone, even the most experience of speakers/musicians/singers/etc. is nervous. No matter how many times they have done it. Even if they are able to do it without a hitch, they are still nervous. So this is quite normal. But, as you have seen, once you get into it your nervousness melts away like butter in a microwave...yeah, that was a corny simile, but what the heck.

    A nice poem showing pre-marching band jitters. Good work, annie.

    I just suggest that you go through this slowly and proofread for your errors. Everyone needs to learn how to spell correctly, and I want you to work hard so that you can improve and become the best speller ever!
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      lol i like this one. hope you had fun in your parade-
    i used to play in my middle school's orchestra, so i never rele marched in a parade with a violin, cello, or base lol.

    nice imagery
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131008

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry