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Love is the divine source which empowers all beings to aspire to reach up out of the dredgery of lethargy and confusion and ascend to that which is rightfully theirs, but can only be acquired through intense longing of the soul.
| It's worded well; and has a simple, nice layout. However, it is a run on sentence so I would try to break it down.|
For example, the wording, as I said is well done, however some of it need some seperation aka the 'dredgery of lethargy and confusion and ascend.'
The repetition of 'and' makes it a bit less polished.
A period after 'dredgery of lethargy and confusion.', would be good, and than add more to the next statement of ascension.
I think it's sweet, and well-written. I like poems that are brief, yet portray their messages well yet not blatantly. Nice work.
|| Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by iroti | [ Reply to This ] |