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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fly Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Latin King
    ASL Info:    31/M/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 104/232/145
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1247



    Description:
       I wish I had someone I can dedicate this one to.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFly Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I express my love for you,
    I realize,
    That I can get lost by looking deep into your eyes,
    My heart belongs to you,
    So please accept it,
    Love is a beautiful thing,
    when it's perfected,
    And I feel like you're the one for me,
    So if you like,
    You can come with me,
    Let's get away,
    And I'll make your dreams a reality,
    You're beautiful and I love your personality,
    Girl I love everything there's about you,
    It seems to me like I can't even live without you,
    So now I'm confessing the way that I feel,
    Thinking about you all the time,
    And yes I'm for real,
    Baby,
    I think you know that I have a different style,
    But I still wanna be the one,
    That makes you smile,
    And if I'm silent,
    That's only cause I'm thinking of you,
    Now let me tell you the truth,
    Chiquita,
    I love you.

    I've fallen in love with an angel from above,
    Now where do I go from here,
    I think it's here,
    All I got left to say is,
    Baby let's fly away.







    Submitted on 2007-01-05 08:54:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very Deep, haha you sure you dont have anyone to dedicate this to because to write about a phantom love in this manner is expert. I am emotion-driven, but the way in which you wrote that is dripping with emotion for someone you might not know is there but is in the sub-conscience lol. Great write though I love it.
    | Posted on 2011-03-17 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      who are you in love with huh? lol

    very sweet and nice.
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      my first impression....hmm probly that whoever this girl is she has someone who seems to really love her, it reminds of the look you give to someone when you love them filled with admeration, its beautiful when you can love that way. anyway i liked it cause it reminded me of how i feel for my bestfriend, great write!
    -jess-
    | Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good but line 3 "That I can get lost by looking deep into your eyes" I think it would sound better "I can get lost by looking deep into your eyes," saying "that" seems like your not sure about u to. Saying "I" makes sound like you hav emore confedince.

    Line 8 Just get rid of the word "and" it doesn't need to be there.

    "Girl I love everything there's about you,
    It seems to me like I can't even live without you"

    I think might sound better if

    "Girl I love everything there's about you,
    personally I can't even live without you"
    or
    "Girl I love everything there's about you,
    to me, I can't even live without you."

    Other than that is was good

    I loved the last stanza it really ended the piece on really high note.

    Well sorry if i tried to fix your work to much but just trying to help. other than that hope to hear from you.
    keep up the good work.

    Max
    aka
    Lil'Mix
    | Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]


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