Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Diary of a Hypochondriacdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poetic_tragedy
    ASL Info:    16/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 39/55/30
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Lyrics/The pain inside
    Total Views: 981
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1103



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Diary of a Hypochondriacdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hyperventilating
    Am I going blind?
    I can't see, yet I know you're behind.

    10 times worse
    By your everlasting kiss
    Hooked to IV's
    I can't take this shit!

    Suffocating me, suffocating me
    No one can save me now
    My heart explodes as my eyes bleed
    Standing up and falling back down.

    I'm only a stranger to some
    I choke as my arms go numb
    Waiting for you to come through
    But you're numb too.

    I don't think I like you
    I liked you better before I knew
    What you do for a living
    It doesn't concern me
    But I don't trust you.

    Suffocating me, suffocating me
    No one can save me now
    My heart explodes as my eyes bleed
    Standing up and falling back down.

    Falling, falling, falling
    Standing up.

    Suffocating me, suffocating me
    No one can save me now
    My heart explodes as my eyes blled
    Standing up and falling back down.




    Submitted on 2007-01-05 21:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is great.

    my sister is a mild hypochondriac, so this made me laugh a little.

    I like the repetition of

    "Suffocating me, suffocating me
    No one can save me now
    My heart explodes as my eyes blled
    Standing up and falling back down."

    It brought the piece together. good write.
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131161

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry