Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Failed Revengedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gwenith Louise
    ASL Info:    1000000000/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 37/33/24
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Misc/Them
    Total Views: 746
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934



    Description:
       ummmm, yeah, i was really pissed off when i wrote this....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnother Failed Revengedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm walking through the door
    to another day
    holding on still by yet
    another breaking thread
    they'll give you what you think you want
    they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve
    and because their graves are dug through to
    the other side of the world,
    they'll start digging yours too
    50 1 50 is being called and can be heard
    through out the halls of my
    mind
    is shattering
    my mind is breaking
    my soul is colapsing
    my sin is twisting
    they will leave u hollow and defenceless
    so that the next time they attack
    you might not even notice
    that they have striked again!
    my friends, ladys and gentlmen,
    we have given them what they want,
    what they have planed on,
    and what they have expected all along:
    ANOTHER FAILED REVENGE!






    Submitted on 2007-01-07 00:35:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      My first impression....hmmm....well, it seems so angry and war-like, just as itsjustme22 said. The ending is good, like one of those war movies. You had a good structure by you kept saying you, then I, but I guess that's ok. Overall it was good.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      this write gave me the image of a war-type situation, but maybe thats partly cuz im surrounded by war stuff a lot lately. anyways i liked the structure of it- when you said

    "my mind is breaking
    my soul is colapsing"


    I was like, ok, yeah I get that

    what impressed me is when you said "my sin is twisting" because that is a deeper emotion that creates an angry sense, anywho, good write.
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
      First i'd like to say that i love the pic of gir. Anyway my first impression well i can see the pissed offieness in it god i suck at writeing first impressions i'm sorry my mind is pretty one tracked but i can deffently say that i liked the holding on still by yet
    another breaking thread
    and also the part
    they'll give you what you think you want
    they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve
    sorry i couldn't offer my first impression anyway i thought the poem was good
    -jess-
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131305

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry