Description: ummmm, yeah, i was really pissed off when i wrote this....
Another Failed Revenge -------------------------------------------
I'm walking through the door
to another day
holding on still by yet
another breaking thread
they'll give you what you think you want
they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve
and because their graves are dug through to
the other side of the world,
they'll start digging yours too
50 1 50 is being called and can be heard
through out the halls of my
mind
is shattering
my mind is breaking
my soul is colapsing
my sin is twisting
they will leave u hollow and defenceless
so that the next time they attack
you might not even notice
that they have striked again!
my friends, ladys and gentlmen,
we have given them what they want,
what they have planed on,
and what they have expected all along:
ANOTHER FAILED REVENGE!
My first impression....hmmm....well, it seems so angry and war-like, just as itsjustme22 said. The ending is good, like one of those war movies. You had a good structure by you kept saying you, then I, but I guess that's ok. Overall it was good. Cheers, ~Persephone~
this write gave me the image of a war-type situation, but maybe thats partly cuz im surrounded by war stuff a lot lately. anyways i liked the structure of it- when you said
"my mind is breaking my soul is colapsing"
I was like, ok, yeah I get that
what impressed me is when you said "my sin is twisting" because that is a deeper emotion that creates an angry sense, anywho, good write.
First i'd like to say that i love the pic of gir. Anyway my first impression well i can see the pissed offieness in it god i suck at writeing first impressions i'm sorry my mind is pretty one tracked but i can deffently say that i liked the holding on still by yet another breaking thread and also the part they'll give you what you think you want they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve sorry i couldn't offer my first impression anyway i thought the poem was good -jess-
Submission Name: Another Failed Revenge
