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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Failed Revengedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gwenith Louise
    ASL Info:    1000000000/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 37/33/24
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Misc/Them
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934



    Description:
       ummmm, yeah, i was really pissed off when i wrote this....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnother Failed Revengedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm walking through the door
    to another day
    holding on still by yet
    another breaking thread
    they'll give you what you think you want
    they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve
    and because their graves are dug through to
    the other side of the world,
    they'll start digging yours too
    50 1 50 is being called and can be heard
    through out the halls of my
    mind
    is shattering
    my mind is breaking
    my soul is colapsing
    my sin is twisting
    they will leave u hollow and defenceless
    so that the next time they attack
    you might not even notice
    that they have striked again!
    my friends, ladys and gentlmen,
    we have given them what they want,
    what they have planed on,
    and what they have expected all along:
    ANOTHER FAILED REVENGE!






    Submitted on 2007-01-07 00:35:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My first impression....hmmm....well, it seems so angry and war-like, just as itsjustme22 said. The ending is good, like one of those war movies. You had a good structure by you kept saying you, then I, but I guess that's ok. Overall it was good.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      this write gave me the image of a war-type situation, but maybe thats partly cuz im surrounded by war stuff a lot lately. anyways i liked the structure of it- when you said

    "my mind is breaking
    my soul is colapsing"


    I was like, ok, yeah I get that

    what impressed me is when you said "my sin is twisting" because that is a deeper emotion that creates an angry sense, anywho, good write.
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
      First i'd like to say that i love the pic of gir. Anyway my first impression well i can see the pissed offieness in it god i suck at writeing first impressions i'm sorry my mind is pretty one tracked but i can deffently say that i liked the holding on still by yet
    another breaking thread
    and also the part
    they'll give you what you think you want
    they'll give you what they, themselves, deserve
    sorry i couldn't offer my first impression anyway i thought the poem was good
    -jess-
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]


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