She's My Woman, Too by mdsouza

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Submission Name: She's My Woman, Too dots

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Author:	mdsouza
ASL Info:	15/F
Elite Ratio:	4.73 - 161/101/20
Words:	150

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	253
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	1012

Description:
Dad, I'm the only one not envying you
Your lovely, beautiful wife.

She's My Woman, Too dots

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She fills my heart with warmth & cheer
In her unique delightful way.
Her loving presence is so dear
As she brightens up the day.

She's there to be help and strength
And solace in sorrow.
She's my very cause for living
And hope for tommorrow.

She'll always be there a while
With you, just sitting by your side.
She'll smile her million dollar smile
And be your friend and guide.

She's there to cast a loving glance
And see and if you're alright.
She'll pray and watch over you
All day and night.

Never have I seen a mother
More charming and sweet.
She'll smile and make life so much better
As she sweeps me off my feet.

Dad, I'm the only one not envying you
Your lovely, beautiful wife.
For I can say, "She's my woman, too.
All mine, all my life!"

Submitted on 2007-01-07 10:31:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||

the sentiment of this piece is beautiful.
its not always easy getting a new moter figure. my experience of it was quite perhaps the polar opposite of this experience... perhaps more aligned with cinderellas step mother would be a more accurate description of mine...
i am glad that you are able to find happiness in this arrangement

having never read anything else you have ever written i cannot say whether this is a style you usually use or not but i would love to encourage you to stray from 4 line stanzas and rhyme as much as possible. i find that it has become some kind of magic formula on this site and it has been trapping writers in its snare. it is not a structure that does many pieces any favours because the rhyme quite often makes the words sound trite and coupled with the need to force the words into 4 lines per stanza makes the whole power of the piece somewhat diminished.

so keep up with the writing. stay open to exploring new ways of expressing and presenting words
i hope you always remain this happy with the situation you write of here
| Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww wow this was very nice! the flow was going..the rhyme and everything was good..but there was just one part that needs to be fixed..

"And see and if you're alright."

you used "and" too much in this although its still good, it doesn't change how i feel about the poem..just that if that line was fixed..it would be much better..more proper..
the begining part was very good though!
props to a son/daughter like you!

you brought me a smile
take care

| Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a wonderful tribute to your mother and that was a catchy way to share "IT" - and although they are always our moms they can be our dearest friends too

This was very endearing! Great!

love,peace,joy&smiles to shrare

tif
| Posted on 2007-06-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful...I enjoyed it a lot... lucky mum too who has such an innocent, loving daughter...

It is perfect in the sense... it cannot be improved, i can only marvel at the sweet and a bit surprising talent of expression.

Very Well Done,

...parul.
| Posted on 2007-05-28 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful Tribute indeed for a very loving, caring Mother!
For a Mom to hear words like this coming from her child will bring her pride, a sense of accomplishment, knowing she had raised a very loving tender hearted daughter.
Apparently, you have been raised by a very good teacher. I know with a heart like yours, you have made her heart swell with Love.
Very talented and a wonderful write!
| Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
  By reading your words about your Mother you have a wonderful Mom.Your poem is a beautiful tribute to your her bravo to you Megan.
Your thirteen years old and you wrote a heartfelt poem about someone you hold dear to your heart.Thank you for the read of this piece it made me feel good inside.

I don't see where you want any help with your poem,but I did see an and in a line I think you didn't want there.

So if you want help just ask me and I will come back take care megan have a good day.
| Posted on 2007-04-10 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
  What mother would not love to have her daughter write these words? I especially was touched by "She's there to be help and strength And solace in sorrow. She's my very cause for living And hope for tommorrow." You've done a fine job on this poem, and I'm certain your mother is very proud to have such a talented daughter! Sharon

| Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice tribute to your mom. Hope you showed it to her. She sounds like she deserves it. :-)
| Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really very sweet and touching. How wonderful it is when you have such a lovely relationship with your mom. I was a tiny bit confused when I read your description but the poem certainly made your descriptions meaning crystal clear. I like the angle you approached this from. Instead of just writing directly about your mom and you, you put an interesting spin on it by tying your dad into the story and how she loves him too. She indeed sounds like a wonderful person and I am sure she would be deeply moved by this poem. Very nice job with this.

Lorna
| Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  What a kind and wonderful compliment! You have a developing talent Megan, that has confidence and passion! I enjoyed reading this!
| Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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