Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She's My Woman, Toodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mdsouza
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 161/110/25
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1220
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1007



    Description:
       Dad, I'm the only one not envying you
    Your lovely, beautiful wife.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe's My Woman, Toodots
    -------------------------------------------


    She fills my heart with warmth & cheer
    In her unique delightful way.
    Her loving presence is so dear
    As she brightens up the day.

    She's there to be help and strength
    And solace in sorrow.
    She's my very cause for living
    And hope for tomorrow.

    She'll always be there a while
    With you, just sitting by your side.
    She'll smile her million dollar smile
    And be your friend and guide.

    She's there to cast a loving glance
    And see if you're alright.
    She'll pray and watch over you
    All day and night.

    Never have I seen a mother
    More charming and sweet.
    She'll smile and make life so much better
    As she sweeps me off my feet.

    Dad, I'm the only one not envying you
    Your lovely, beautiful wife.
    For I can say, "She's my woman, too.
    All mine, all my life!"




    Submitted on 2007-01-07 10:31:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    the sentiment of this piece is beautiful.
    its not always easy getting a new moter figure. my experience of it was quite perhaps the polar opposite of this experience... perhaps more aligned with cinderellas step mother would be a more accurate description of mine...
    i am glad that you are able to find happiness in this arrangement

    having never read anything else you have ever written i cannot say whether this is a style you usually use or not but i would love to encourage you to stray from 4 line stanzas and rhyme as much as possible. i find that it has become some kind of magic formula on this site and it has been trapping writers in its snare. it is not a structure that does many pieces any favours because the rhyme quite often makes the words sound trite and coupled with the need to force the words into 4 lines per stanza makes the whole power of the piece somewhat diminished.

    so keep up with the writing. stay open to exploring new ways of expressing and presenting words
    i hope you always remain this happy with the situation you write of here
    | Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww wow this was very nice! the flow was going..the rhyme and everything was good..but there was just one part that needs to be fixed..

    "And see and if you're alright."

    you used "and" too much in this although its still good, it doesn't change how i feel about the poem..just that if that line was fixed..it would be much better..more proper..
    the begining part was very good though!
    props to a son/daughter like you!

    you brought me a smile
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a wonderful tribute to your mother and that was a catchy way to share "IT" - and although they are always our moms they can be our dearest friends too

    This was very endearing! Great!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to shrare

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-06-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful...I enjoyed it a lot... lucky mum too who has such an innocent, loving daughter...

    It is perfect in the sense... it cannot be improved, i can only marvel at the sweet and a bit surprising talent of expression.

    Very Well Done,

    ...parul.
    | Posted on 2007-05-28 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful Tribute indeed for a very loving, caring Mother!
    For a Mom to hear words like this coming from her child will bring her pride, a sense of accomplishment, knowing she had raised a very loving tender hearted daughter.
    Apparently, you have been raised by a very good teacher. I know with a heart like yours, you have made her heart swell with Love.
    Very talented and a wonderful write!
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      By reading your words about your Mother you have a wonderful Mom.Your poem is a beautiful tribute to your her bravo to you Megan.
    Your thirteen years old and you wrote a heartfelt poem about someone you hold dear to your heart.Thank you for the read of this piece it made me feel good inside.

    I don't see where you want any help with your poem,but I did see an and in a line I think you didn't want there.

    So if you want help just ask me and I will come back take care megan have a good day.
    | Posted on 2007-04-10 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
      What mother would not love to have her daughter write these words? I especially was touched by "She's there to be help and strength And solace in sorrow. She's my very cause for living And hope for tommorrow." You've done a fine job on this poem, and I'm certain your mother is very proud to have such a talented daughter! Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice tribute to your mom. Hope you showed it to her. She sounds like she deserves it. :-)
    | Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really very sweet and touching. How wonderful it is when you have such a lovely relationship with your mom. I was a tiny bit confused when I read your description but the poem certainly made your descriptions meaning crystal clear. I like the angle you approached this from. Instead of just writing directly about your mom and you, you put an interesting spin on it by tying your dad into the story and how she loves him too. She indeed sounds like a wonderful person and I am sure she would be deeply moved by this poem. Very nice job with this.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      What a kind and wonderful compliment! You have a developing talent Megan, that has confidence and passion! I enjoyed reading this!
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131314

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry