Description: Not a new subject but anyway..
Wrote this with my boyfriend Localfreak.
To Cut -------------------------------------------
The Blade tears through the same old Hole
But still I cannot stop
The Anger bleeds from in my soul
The emotional first cut
A Blaze Of Red and sweet Release
Echoes from my nerves
But pain it does not seem to cease
Each night it still returns
An addiction to rely on each long day
When nobody else feels
A lifeline to grab and to help you stay
Within a life filled corpse
A manmade razor not built for this
But to clean a smiling face
Now destroying and cutting the surface
Of a child of the human race
A desire like this cannot be resisted
By those of us with the truthful lives
Implements drag then are twisted
To wrench emotions pain from inside
A heart to shatter and veins to break
But still it hurts less than each breath we must take
People to smile for and laughs to fake
As tears roll down from my eyes
I really like the overall tone of this piece, you capture all too well these feelings. "sweet release" is a phrase i myself have used...eerie, isn't it? Your rhyme has good flow, but I would watch out for cliché rhyme words. I like your use of this/surface...that is a good one. keep writing!
tk
ps my only request is you take a look at mine...i think you'd like 'who will i be today?", "empty shell" and "o night".....but browse, and please comment, comment comment!!
Hey sweets, I feel awfl commenting on this poem so I'm only going to comment on half of it, your half xP (you need more comments, COME ON PEOPLE, COMMENT THIS YOUNG LADY)
You do have a really nice use of rhymes and it always has been surprising that you can write this type of "self harm" poetry without using the standard awful chliched "Knife/life, Alone/Phone" etc wording.
I also liked the way you approached it with anger in this piece as opposed to the usual, "feel sorry for me" work I read day in day out.
Maybe it's because I know you and can see all of these actions and feelings in you, or maybe because you made it personal, from your own point of view: but I can for once say that that is a true poem.
Submission Name: To Cut
