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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Cutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tOXIC_wAST3
    Elite Ratio:    4.77 - 10/9/4
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 1184
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1045



    Description:
       Not a new subject but anyway..
    Wrote this with my boyfriend Localfreak.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Cutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Blade tears through the same old Hole
    But still I cannot stop
    The Anger bleeds from in my soul
    The emotional first cut
    A Blaze Of Red and sweet Release
    Echoes from my nerves
    But pain it does not seem to cease
    Each night it still returns

    An addiction to rely on each long day
    When nobody else feels
    A lifeline to grab and to help you stay
    Within a life filled corpse
    A manmade razor not built for this
    But to clean a smiling face
    Now destroying and cutting the surface
    Of a child of the human race

    A desire like this cannot be resisted
    By those of us with the truthful lives
    Implements drag then are twisted
    To wrench emotions pain from inside
    A heart to shatter and veins to break
    But still it hurts less than each breath we must take
    People to smile for and laughs to fake
    As tears roll down from my eyes

    The Sweetest
    Silent
    Lullaby




    Submitted on 2007-01-07 15:29:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the overall tone of this piece, you capture all too well these feelings. "sweet release" is a phrase i myself have used...eerie, isn't it? Your rhyme has good flow, but I would watch out for cliché rhyme words. I like your use of this/surface...that is a good one. keep writing!


    tk


    ps my only request is you take a look at mine...i think you'd like 'who will i be today?", "empty shell" and "o night".....but browse, and please comment, comment comment!!
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 00:00:00 | by illuminate11 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is ... amazin...u captured the truth that onli those of us who have first hand experience kno of. Your very good at writing please keep it up.
    | Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by maggot4life6969 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey sweets, I feel awfl commenting on this poem so I'm only going to comment on half of it, your half xP (you need more comments, COME ON PEOPLE, COMMENT THIS YOUNG LADY)

    You do have a really nice use of rhymes and it always has been surprising that you can write this type of "self harm" poetry without using the standard awful chliched "Knife/life, Alone/Phone" etc wording.

    I also liked the way you approached it with anger in this piece as opposed to the usual, "feel sorry for me" work I read day in day out.

    Maybe it's because I know you and can see all of these actions and feelings in you, or maybe because you made it personal, from your own point of view: but I can for once say that that is a true poem.

    Please post some more now =P
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. Unfortunatly I know what you mean all too well. Keep it up... the writing I mean.
    | Posted on 2007-01-08 00:00:00 | by RayneDownAsh | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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