Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SOS33
    ASL Info:    16/f/usa
    Elite Ratio:    3.75 - 39/35/25
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 122
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 732



    Description:
       this was written for an english project, and it's based off of my previous poem called will


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    She suffers from bouts of amenorrhea,
    She masticates as often as the day is black,
    You, her associates, claim to have no idea,
    The young ossein echoes an agéd wall with many a crack.

    The chassis appears, to you, to be gaunt,
    No fervor for coitus intimates strangeness,
    Her color looks like she is inclined to haunt,
    Her apparel is ill-fitting, not made to impress.

    When will you void your lack of knowledge?
    She needs someone to come to her aid,
    Take her hand and lead her from the edge,
    Instead of averting, trying to evade.

    Go and lead her in the right direction,
    And help desist her craving for perfection.




    Submitted on 2007-01-07 16:13:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I understand. :(

    The ending of this poem makes it seem as though she wants help. Is this true, or am I misinterpreting? You've done a wonderful job descriping a story that is so many's to tell. What do you mean about the day being black, though? That part had me a little confused. I like that this poem is in third person, because it makes it sound a little more objective (which betters the clichéd subject matter of the poem). You have done a nice job, here.
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131335



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry