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Embrace Darkness


Author: DrunkOnShadows
ASL Info:    16/F/Ont
Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 66 /84 /49
Words: 57
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 867
Average Vote:    2.0000
Bytes: 404



Description:




Embrace Darkness



The darkness has come to swallow you
The demons are coming for you, too...
To overshadow you, taint you
Soon there'll be nothing left
Save resentment, and misery
All your amazing passion
Put towards relentless negative emotions
And I blame myself for your problems
Exposing you to the darkness that you're not yet ready to embrace




Submitted on 2007-01-08 20:04:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Such a great write and the poem has got its superb write. Like iroti said it starts out too much like a journal as a rant or something, which isn't bad at all. You have a great idea there, yet I believe that you have more potential to place more into this. I know you do .I would like to see this piece edited done again, and made a bit longer, because I started getting really into it for a lil while, but as soon as I got into it it had its end. Otherwise, I too disagree with iroti, this poem isn't a bit dry, and it doesn't really need to be in verse. But yes go more into depth with it. Good luck. Alex
| Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
  The poems starts out with a good beat but starts to become unbalanced as it progress:
"All your amazing passion
Put towards relentless negative emotions
And I blame myself for your problems"

It starts sounding more like a journal rant than a poetic piece...you can of course vent in a poem, however it should be consistent with the rest of the poem so it keeps a nice fluent movement for the reader. It's nice how the end sums up the title and message...though it's a little cliché and a typical gothic idea.

It's overall well-written; just not original in verse and a bit dry. Some revision would get the trick done to an extent and newfound thought put into it that goes into more depth.
| Posted on 2007-01-09 00:00:00 | by iroti | [ Reply to This ]


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