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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: we are not free men.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: denial
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 119/82/34
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 834



    Description:
       i don't believe in writing anymore. but i keep on finding things i used to do and i think okay. and i think okay i ain't rimbaud but it's the new year. i need some time k? also. i am almost completely sure i've submitted this before but i really dont have much recollection and i tell myself a lot and most of the world spins when i'm awake so maybe not. please ignore me, and give me a few words.


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    dotswe are not free men.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a long moment in which nothing happens.

    It's hard not to get angry when the sky is as it is.
    There's this nakedness and warmth that are parts of not waking up.
    These thoughts linger like porno. There's these distinct people out there, individualists that aren't.
    Phone calls and library fees are the sort of things that get over analysed and rehearsed
    so others can see differently what you do.
    This new, this ugly sense of jobs, unrequited love, and fathers day gives no end to what we are.
    What says objective affection versus happier thoughts.
    What says I know what you're doing. You don't know that I tried.
    Put through tradition and logic, we're hard to get rid of.

    We are not free men.




    Submitted on 2007-01-08 23:42:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the first few lines of this piece are stunning...

    part of me feels like this piece is just one of those stream of consciousness ones that dont really have to achieve a point... the ones that start off willfully in a direction but kinda cross over itself and tie itself in knots and in the end it isnt really a resolution so much as a line that is sighed coz you cant remember where you were going...

    There's a long moment in which nothing happens.

    now to me... all the words following this line here are the detail or fleshing out of the idea of this long nothing moment... im not quite sure that thats what happens though...
    i read that line and i thought of all the long moments in which nothing has happened this week alone (and its only tuesday evening here...) like the moment yesterday when i checked my cellfone in work time and i wasnt sposed to and got a txt from a boy to whom i was basically rebound girl telling me he was back with his ex and theyre getting married and me yelling OH YOU FVCKER way too loud and wondering what the reaction would be from staff and guests... that was a long nothing happening moment... and the one this morning when i woke up at 7:24am and realised i was sposed to be at work (which is a 25min drive) at 7:30am... that was a VERY long nothing happening moment (though i made it to work by 7:42am by some miracle or slight law breaking...)

    It's hard not to get angry when the sky is as it is.

    theres something in this line that draws me to it... you're very right... it is hard not to get angry... i have a line about the sky that i am hoping will be a poem by morning... why does the sky to be as it is when its very rarely acceptable for me to be as i am...?

    There's this nakedness and warmth that are parts of not waking up.

    i know this bit...
    im really bad at sleeping... i do this awake asleep thing where im awake enough to hear everything but asleep enough to not be able to respond... its really annoying but i think youve captured it beautifully there...

    but i think this is as far as i go...
    the rest kinda... i dunno... maybe it just gets too concrete when the first three ideas were very abstract and perhaps there is no merging... perhaps there isnt enough time between the two opposites for me to catch my breath and change my stance...i dont know...

    i think my comment stops here really...
    sorry i havent said much of consequence here.
    | Posted on 2007-01-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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