Description: These are some old poems I wrote in a forum on this site in 2005. I found it way back there and I wanted to shair. The forum post was XXX or not. And we had to write a short poem about sex without saying it's sex. Let me know what you think.
Passionate Death -------------------------------------------
This is pretty good. I think it needs a little bit of work, there were a few grammatical errors, but it was good and passionate nonetheless. good job! :)
I think you achieved the "sex" aspect of that. I read the poem first, then read the description (as I usually do) and it made sense. However, I don't quite know if "Passionate Death" is a proper title for it. Unless it's symbolic of your views on love that is. But I'm sure you chose it for a reason. Also, maybe do a few spelling revisions, because "whispered" is spelling incorrectly both times. (sorry, I'm a stickler for spelling.) Other than that, I think it was good especially because it met your challenge.
Chillage, but I'd deffinately reformat it. This reads like a poem, but in paragragh format, it jsut doesn't suite it. You have nice color, and meaning behind it all, all in all I like it, but just play with it a bit and I think you'll see it can be improved.
Submission Name: Passionate Death
