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    dots Submission Name: My White Rosedots

    Author: hammyj
    ASL Info:    21/m/Notts UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 130/81/21
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 722


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy White Rosedots

    A rose in flower despite the dark,
    growing more and more with every spark,
    of light with comes from rainbowed arc
    A rose entwining around my heart.

    A rose with roots so deep inside,
    com-ing out with more, and less to hide,
    skeletons drift away with the tide.
    A rose casting all its cares aside.

    A rose's petals holding life so true,
    emotional barriers to breakthrough,
    dreams and wishes we hope to view.
    A rose of love, which to pursue.

    A rose for all the world to see,
    beauty in life - a guarantee,
    with this poem i do decree,
    This rose is reserved solely for me.

    Submitted on 2007-01-11 15:26:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      'Com-ing' has no dash, you know. Enough with the word rose, you should describe it in a different way. I like it, but I can't say I love it because it wasnt for me. But I should, in fact, give you some advice:

    "skeletons drift away with tide"

    The use of skeletons doesnt work for me. You should try something dark but still beautiful to describe the bad things, and by skeletons you mean bad things that have happened in life, am I right?

    "roses casting all its cares aside"

    This line seems unfinished, I think maybe because it has to many "s"s you know? Try this:

    "roses cast all cares aside"

    But when something casts cares away persay...
    doesnt it mean they have no love or interest in them anymore? And I dont get the feeling that this is what the poem is about. Maybe:

    "roses cast all troubles aside"

    Sounds better.


    "A rose in flower despite the dark
    growing more and more with every spark"

    Using more twice is not necessary, simply take one away. And the first line, needs to be fixed. it makes no sense... because a rose IS a flower, but if you re-word it... it will be beautiful, because i like the second half of the sentence, the first one i mean.

    "of light with comes from rainbowed arc
    A rose entwining around my heart."

    These two lines are absolutly beautiful. I know it would have caught my heart the moment I read it, Hell the fact that you would have written me a poem would have, my boyfriend doesnt write me any
    Heh.. lucky girl...

    Well I hope you take my advice, the poem was beautiful, and I guess it doesnt matter if little old me enjoyed it, it's what SHE thought, right?

    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
       It was good, a nice sweet poem for who I'm sure is a nice sweet girl.
    | Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      It is the best poem i have read. I love the imagery and the hole meaning. Thank you.

    | Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by Cokesu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very sweet poem, with great imagery. I think if you worked with the meter a little bit more, it would make it even better.
    | Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by A.L. Beirce | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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