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I Miss You


Author: _Phoenix
ASL Info:    18/F/FL
Elite Ratio:    4.56 - 46 /31 /21
Words: 80
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 901
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 545



Description:


written for a former boyfriend.
enjoy. - Phoenix


I Miss You



Wishing my heart was back in place
Knowing our lives are interlaced
Looking back to my tainted past
Watching through the holes in my painted mask
Darkness shining through
Memories of you
Sadness slowly taking hold
Feeling so alone and cold
Still have the rings
Cry at all the little things
Missing you
Wondering if you miss me too
Crying for you
And everything we used to do
Loving you
Knowing you still love me too...
I miss you...




Submitted on 2007-01-11 18:54:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  that is such a pretty piece, it almost made me cry, i started thinking about my boyfriend and i, how we've been through 3 breakups now but i always believed in what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. it seems dispite our differences we've found a way to make it work and we deal with eachothers querks. i like this piece though i can really feel the saddness. i wouldnt do anything to change it honestly, you did a great job.

thanks for the read keep writing! :)

~Cris
| Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wishing my heart was back in place
Knowing our lives are interlaced
Looking back to my tainted past
Watching through holes in my painted mask

Darkness shining through
Memories of you
Sadness slowly taking hold
Feeling so alone and cold
Still have the rings
Cry at all the little things

Missing you
Wondering if you miss me too
Crying for you
And everything we used to do
Loving you
Knowing you still love me too...
I miss you...



These appear to be lyrics meant for an acoustic guitar (or a softly detuned elecric), and are so sincere they even overcome the inherent clichés built into such writes. Without question, your first stanza is your strongest, and declares your misery more clearly than the other two can possibly hope to elaborate. Nice use of sugestive language in the 'painted mask' analogy, by the way; an interesting means of demonstrating your emotions are a false happiness meant to protect a wounded heart.

Keep posting.
Bill.
| Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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