Every group has its politics.
All within have their place.
For a single moment I
forgot
that I am a satellite
orbiting and revolving around
everyone else’s lives.
Hearing words,
seeing images
and reflecting them back.
I have no input
lest I short-circuit.
I revolved around
too many lives.
I think you've captured the feeling of isolation that many young people experience, but perhaps need to say it all with more power.
A couple of questions:
For a single moment I
forgot
What happened to make you forget? Did you attempt to interact with a group and were rejected? Why did you forget?
I have no input
lest I short-circuit.
This sounds like you purposely have no input, but the rest of your poem sounds as though you would like to belong but have been left out. Which is it? Perhaps this is the problem your earlier commenters had.
This doesn't exactly sound whiny - which would have been easy to fall into - but it doesn't seem to have any closure to it. It's as though you are resigned to being on the outside - that's the way it is and that's the way it will always be. That sounds to me like a not-so-slow-slide into depression. If that's the way you feel, use your writing as therapy. Get mad in your writing. Explore options in your poems. Who knows, maybe you'll happen upon an answer.
i think that "localfreak" put it very well.
i really like the idea you are putting out there, as there are many who can relate.
however i am also feeling unclear about what you meant in the last 3 lines.
i am yearning to understand how you feel about "revolving around too many lives." is this something you feel good about or something you want to change?
I like the idea here, It's kind of my own philosophy of my own life but I never imagined it as a satellite.
I was unsure of the lines "I have no input, lest I short circuit" though, I think a little more depth here to clarify as they come across as two seperate statements.
I would also like to see more to this work, probably between the lines "short circuit" and "I revolved"
This could be an amazing and inciteful piece of writing if you could add more to it.
As it stands it is well written but leaves the reader, well me really, unfulfilled
Submission Name: satellite
