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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beauty in the Breakdowndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandelion13
    ASL Info:    22/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 18/34/12
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 229
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1242



    Description:
       Can't decide if I love it or hate it; it's not the best thing I've written, but it is what it is...actually it started out as ideas for another poem I was going to write, but it kind of shaped itself into a story without me noticing...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeauty in the Breakdowndots
    -------------------------------------------


    love is not hearts and flowers
    love is the points on the hearts and thorns in the roses,
    darts
    or maybe love is both
    as far as we go, we’re all of that and more
    human
    confused and clueless
    no one else would understand
    us
    like we do

    no one understands (.)
    some things do surpass experience
    transcendental
    but we both know we’re just fooling ourselves
    we can’t possibly be all that we’ve ever wanted
    and more
    there’s no such thing
    and to think that I’ve found it
    with you
    regardless of “feeling”
    is a mistake

    but there’s beauty
    in the
    b
    re
    akd
    ow
    n

    and even though
    with you
    love always
    hurts
    and no matter what,
    I can’t let go
    at least the pain, though
    raw
    is real...
    for the first time
    I feel
    Something

    and now I understand
    the grace
    in a hunter’s skillful aim
    as he pulls the trigger
    and the
    bullet pierces
    the buck’s
    still
    -beating
    heart.





    Submitted on 2007-01-12 00:32:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    Personally don't like the breakdowns, dreading them, but most of the time that is where new growth starts and where the change is sometimes for the better, that's why the title pulled me closer, your choice of tiles are good.

    Liked the way you wrote "breakdown", connecting the title to the poem.

    This was good, but would like to suggest one change, in the last paragraph from "as he fires the trigger" to "as he pulls the trigger", or there might be a reason why you used the word "fires".

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      :O

    ...never mind, this is my favorite. THAT, my dear, is a kickass ending! My favorite part, though:

    and even though
    with you
    love always
    hurts
    and no matter what,
    I can’t let go
    at least the pain, though
    raw
    is real...
    for the first time
    I feel
    Something

    It's very different... but I LOVE it. ~Cora

    P .S. - it's not prose. Prose is basically anything that's not poetry - like, a story is prose. It's writing that has sentences and paragraphs and doesn't have a bajillion line breaks and what-have-you and it's not structurally artistic. This is poetry - though, it's a very different form from your usual :3 it's not prose, though. I think Jimmy should post an article somewhere explaining this... blaaah >.> so many people make this mistake and it bugs the CRAP out of me!
    | Posted on 2007-01-12 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, you may not love it, but I think I just might. I particularly love this whole verse:

    "no one understands (.)
    some things do surpass experience
    transcendental
    but we both know we’re just fooling ourselves
    we can’t possibly be all that we’ve ever wanted
    and more
    there’s no such thing
    and to think that I’ve found it
    with you
    regardless of “feeling”
    is a mistake"


    And I appreciate the title. And it brings to mind a song off the Garden State soundtrack...called Let Go. I think it says that exact thing...There's beauty in the breakdown. But that's not the point. The point is, well, that I agree. Lol...I think I used a few too many words to make that point. Anywho...I like it...very much. I think I may add it to my list of favorites!!!

    Keep writing...I like your style very much.
    | Posted on 2007-01-12 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]



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