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Chaotic Resolve


Author: _Phoenix
ASL Info:    18/F/FL
Elite Ratio:    4.56 - 46 /31 /21
Words: 99
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 895
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 636



Description:


written in English IV. it was kind of random. last line, i knew it was from somewhere. Donnie Darko. thank you Clarkie for reminding me.
enjoy. - Phoenix


Chaotic Resolve



Inconceivable Love, unconditional Hope
It's taken me just this long to cope
Pull the emotions straight out of my head
Fling them on paper, held by breakable threads
Dream your life away, blissfully serene
Don't dream too long, or nightmares creep in
Mind goes blank as fear takes place
Eyes roll back, heart starts to race
The soul is like Ice with a fire within
Trapped in the water, forgotten how to swim
I want to feel like crying, but I know it can't be bad
Because the dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.




Submitted on 2007-01-13 16:59:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is pretty good. I like it, but I think it could use a little bit a work. Maybe revise it and tighten it up a bit. I think with a little work this could be much better. It's pretty good already though.

Oh, and the last two lines...

Listen to the song "Mad World" by Gary Jules.

Yea.
Thats where those lines are from.
Im not saying you copied them.
I am just saying it for the person who commented bellow me.

"Mad World" is a good song.
I actually used some lines from it subconciously one time. It has amazing lyrics, and they get stuck in the back of your mind.

Anyways, great job on this poem.
Its pretty good!

Keep writing!

peace.
-Kamerin
| Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by Kamerin Brown | [ Reply to This ]
  Isn't that last line taken from something else?

The poem seemed messy, and like you didn't think it out. The rhyme scheme was forced, and it didn't help to hold my attention. However, I think you have a strong base here. Work on improving your rhymes (or try a version without rhyme), maybe adopt a more concrete form, and I think you'll have something good.
| Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]


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