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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Huntdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Huntdots
    -------------------------------------------





    I took a stroll on the edge of the world
    and woke up lost inside a burning dream.
    An ethereal smoke rose and swirled,
    jagged clouds of time ripped from me in streams.

    The sun now rising red in western skies
    every thought inside my head, comes untied,
    bound again to unbend where the truth lies.
    The tidy-bowl man looks flushed but he rides

    right along, keeping me in view, too blue
    by far to be alone in swirling hues.
    I have given up on the search for clues,
    besides all those I found I misconstrued.

    So here I must stay in temporal flux
    while the tidy-bowl man and I hunt ducks.




    Submitted on 2007-01-14 00:51:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ahhh.... ducks in a row... good find Chris... i missed that. So did she publish, I think I remember her putting together her own collection?? Ducks in a row in the tidy bowl.... Oh... I may be a weekend reviewer myself... life stays way too busy... and then, ya know... TV!! But... I think I'll play with a write all week and blow your mind by Saturday nite!
    | Posted on 2010-11-28 00:00:00 | by Just Kel | [ Reply to This ]
      I do remember Chris... and refuse to read her review until I'm done, as i believe I found a real live honest one here Mr DP-- and i do remember reading this one... knowing a few years back it had much to say... so here I go...

    I love this because you aren't hiding behind mutants... and monsters... and I just like the way this sounds. You know I love swirls...

    A stroll on the edge of the world... a bird's eye view... and honest peek... but woke up inside a burning dream-- that's just good! hmmm... what does a burning dream mean to you, to me... hot passion?? pain... sadness... madness?? hmmm... Smoke always reminds me of an evil pull.... but I like the swirls you know...

    Jagged clouds... harsh sadness... ripped, more harshness... in streams... hmmm... she ponders....

    Any time the sun rises red... is not so good... Thoughts untied... things you had safely stored away are not where you had tucked them. I wouldn't think that would be a favorable thing...

    The strongest line here: "bound again to unbend where the truth lies" -- Can't mold and pretend what has now shown itself as truth... and so what does one do when reality is set free and can't be stored where the author intends-- only one solution... lighten up! Let's roll the tide with the tidy bowl man... lol... relax a bit, lighten the load, roll with the flow.. quit taking life so seriously.... This is so true... a temporal flux--

    This was a good write for you... and for me too... poets will bound themselves will they not? I met a girl on twitter.... I loved her, she had at least 12 profiles... all a beautiful background with a created personality with a fairy name and image... midnight fairy, dream fairy... I talked to all her profiles... they made me smile... I flew with all the fareys for a while... all 12 of her and one of me. She disappeared suddenly disappeared... I missed her/them... did she go crazy? I don kno? But I had fun flying with her for a while :)
    | Posted on 2010-11-28 00:00:00 | by Just Kel | [ Reply to This ]
      As usual your images are great. It seems the more times I read this one, the more I can read into it. The last line kind of makes me sit up and take notice, and what I thought about first after reading it was the old idea of striving to get all your ducks in a row. I guess you could say this reflects the antithesis of that accomplishment…the world makes no sense, time and space are topsy-turvy….this is a dream, maybe, or is that how it really is …we just have this illusion of stability, of control. Now you’ve got me philosophizing.
    The line:
    “jagged clouds of time ripped from me in streams.”
    really works, and is for me, one of the best, if not the best line in the poem….I don’t remember quite how you had it worded before when I said it didn’t work, but it sure works this way so I’m going to have to say great job with this one.

    The sun now rising red in western skies
    every thought inside my head, comes untied,
    bound again to unbend where the truth lies.

    I don’t think there should be a comma after “head” but I would be inclined to place a semicolon after “skies”; ….unless you want it to mean that the thoughts are the sun rising….. if not maybe you should say the “sun’s rising”….I’m not sure, the line bothers me but it depends on your intent.

    You know I really, really like this one, short for one of yours,..... (I don't think it quite fits the stricter sonnet requirements---but then you know the state of my scansion skills so correct me if I am wrong) ....but so much possibility packed into it.
    And to have the tidybowl man in there, and still have me able to perceive this as a serious piece...(well perhaps some wry humour)...is quite a feat. I’m keeping it. Thanks. ~chris
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]


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