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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cradledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Angry
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1649



    Description:
       A few lyrics of mine.
    Aimed in one particular direction, it's up to you to decide where.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCradledots
    -------------------------------------------


    With the devil in your corner, and angels either side
    You say you walk in darkness, but light shines from your every stride
    Those red eyes come from crying, the blood you spill is fake
    Say you’re the stuff of nightmares, but it’s you who screams each time you wake

    Cry from the cradle
    (Spit of your filth)
    Say you’re in league with the devil
    Fancy words and bullshit lies to hide the trail of mothers milk

    Speaking through the oracle of other peoples words
    Damnation is what you desire, mediocrity’s what you deserve
    Childish incantations to curse the blatant truth
    With the black arts of Beelzebub defiled from ancient runes

    Cry from the cradle
    (Spit of your filth)
    Say you’re in league with the devil
    Fancy words and bullshit lies to hide the trail of mothers milk

    Were you around for Matthews gospel
    Speaking tongues to Mary’s boy
    Did you drink the blood drops from the holy
    Did you turn your back or did you anoint

    Scream it. If you say it loud enough it’s true
    Believe it. The finest angel’s plummet to its doom

    Cry from the cradle
    (Spit of your filth)
    Say you’re in league with the devil
    Fancy words and bullshit lies to hide the trail of mothers milk

    With an angel in your corner and devils either side
    See it whichever way you want but know now they’re all lies
    Worshipful darkness heals only those who hate
    Use his name and reputation for yourself and seal your fate




    Submitted on 2007-01-14 06:42:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      So when I first read it...I didnt read it as lyrics so then I re-read, so u have to read this comment based on the fact that i read all things as poetry/prose and either as flowing or not. thats what makes this so hard, I like it. I like it alot. But, there are times where it doesnt flow to me, i the 2nd and 4th lines of the 1st stanza they seem like they are too long, I understand the thought meant to be conveyed yet i lose something because the thought is too long, you know what I mean? like in the 2nd line i would omit 'every'..and then maybe the 4th will seem fine. I really like the 3rd and 5th stanza they are short simple sweet, and pack a hard punch. I like the last stanza also leaves with a pre-cautionary note, the darkness you display is wonderful. I cant figure out what to say about the 'chorus' i like it but its good not great u know? in a song with all the great words surrounding it, it may appear stonger, but on paper everything else jumped out and it kinda stayed, but maybe thats how its suppose to be otherwise it would become annoying and the song would be over-bearing?

    or maybe im not reading it right (good chance).

    Overall however this is a good write, (if i hadnt read that other poem first, Id like it more, uve spoiled me :) ), it has the potential to be great.

    Until we write again,

    ~ink~
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by inkonspikuous | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds a bit like a softer form of blackmetal to me. I like it. I loved these lines "Were you around for Matthews gospel
    Speaking tongues to Mary’s boy
    Did you drink the blood drops from the holy
    Did you turn your back or did you anoint" I saw the anger in your song. Its a bit of a short song, so it really cant be too much of black metal , or it could, but Im not here to guess the form of music. Im here to comment on your write. I liked all of it but the line that you had about your mothers milk. I saw the hell you brought out in your poem and I liked it....God Im sorry this comment must be lame, and must be the one your not looking for. I guess its not exactly my taste or I didn't feel it. But Im not lying it was good
    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]


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