Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Betray Usdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 265



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Betray Usdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I prayed the waves
    might rush a hundred
    miles inland and gather
    lapping gently at my door

    but the ocean rose
    mocking with rumbling laughter
    "I'm indifferent to those
    I don't believe exist"




    Submitted on 2007-01-14 13:02:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For me this is a question of style of subject matter ie it is beautifully expressed and I love the contrast between the two stanzas but I remain a confirmed non-believer for whom I guess the ocean and any diety there may be would be indifferent.

    "I doubt that religion can survive deep understanding. The shallows are its natural habitat." Richard Dawkins

    Still I always love your poetry and hope that you enjoyed Christmas and the New Year.
    hugs
    nessie
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that the ocean is far more powerful than anything man has dominion over is taken for granted all to regularly. You seem to have brought that fact to light in this short but pertinent piece.

    The first stanza is a very good enticement and the ending for my thinking is a great climax!
    ""I'm indifferent to those
    I don't believe exist"
    The nature of an actuality that heeds no commands but, delivers them!

    Nice writing Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      If 'Ocean' were a presence (which it is, in my opinion), and a divine one at that, then this poem seems to take Man's (non-)belief for a spin, in that this presence is making a mockery of it all, much like Man does with God, or with a presence alien and perhaps insurmountable in understanding to him.

    Because, as you say in your closing lines: "I'm indifferent to those I don't believe exist".

    But to wish for flooding/inundation can represent two things to me: namely, that wish for fertility in either inspiration or God (which is the same to a lot of people), or... that wish to be drowned and pulled under it all, because of the inherent tone of disgust I sense in this poem of yours.

    Just what it made me think...

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    131980

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Push written by JanePlane
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Incubus written by monad
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry