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    dots Submission Name: You Betray Usdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 265


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    dotsYou Betray Usdots

    I prayed the waves
    might rush a hundred
    miles inland and gather
    lapping gently at my door

    but the ocean rose
    mocking with rumbling laughter
    "I'm indifferent to those
    I don't believe exist"

    Submitted on 2007-01-14 13:02:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      For me this is a question of style of subject matter ie it is beautifully expressed and I love the contrast between the two stanzas but I remain a confirmed non-believer for whom I guess the ocean and any diety there may be would be indifferent.

    "I doubt that religion can survive deep understanding. The shallows are its natural habitat." Richard Dawkins

    Still I always love your poetry and hope that you enjoyed Christmas and the New Year.
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that the ocean is far more powerful than anything man has dominion over is taken for granted all to regularly. You seem to have brought that fact to light in this short but pertinent piece.

    The first stanza is a very good enticement and the ending for my thinking is a great climax!
    ""I'm indifferent to those
    I don't believe exist"
    The nature of an actuality that heeds no commands but, delivers them!

    Nice writing Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      If 'Ocean' were a presence (which it is, in my opinion), and a divine one at that, then this poem seems to take Man's (non-)belief for a spin, in that this presence is making a mockery of it all, much like Man does with God, or with a presence alien and perhaps insurmountable in understanding to him.

    Because, as you say in your closing lines: "I'm indifferent to those I don't believe exist".

    But to wish for flooding/inundation can represent two things to me: namely, that wish for fertility in either inspiration or God (which is the same to a lot of people), or... that wish to be drowned and pulled under it all, because of the inherent tone of disgust I sense in this poem of yours.

    Just what it made me think...


    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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