[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Raven Nightdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 595
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1282


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaven Nightdots

    Sparkling beauty banefully bright, alights
    nightshade smile in repose by placid water.
    Heedless lover feels the throb as veins ignite
    his eyes haunted by spectral summer dreams.

    Sentient waters, calmly lap, they know all.
    They see beneath her surface lies sorcery
    an opiate on the night wind, that draws
    him in. Waters converse twice over moon.

    Dead lips whisper, as the hateful orb sinks
    by sullen shore. Silver spears darkened red,
    disappear in the maelstrom of a wink.
    Now comes the ice shard wind, the great vortex

    and lurking fear. The Sun shall never rise
    for him again. Forever decadent
    obsession and temptation are her guise.
    She exudes such an exquisite seeming.

    Sparkling beauty oh so bright, half floating,
    lighting on air, the bare skin deluge
    of scarlet flaring flame, as lips suckle throat
    eyes dilate with a wild wonder. Luscious

    is the kiss of her undead lips, sweet bliss
    as his hands entwine her raven tresses;
    and his soul spirals down the cold abyss.
    He stares into blood-filled eyes and dies.

    Submitted on 2007-01-14 15:04:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The last line has me wondering . I know many a man when his woman has been insulted will respond to the aggressor with a "I'll see you in hell" . Women's souls are necessarily colored by all of their genetic ancestors , how can a man set right all of those wrongs . Yet he haplessly dives in . This is sprit , but it can get you killed .

    | Posted on 2010-12-01 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooh! Just... Oooh!

    This is absolutely gorgeous! I don't care for the structure, but since when do my anal ramblings about structure actually mean anything? (It is growing on me, though. Gah.)

    One line took me a little while to get... but, that's because it's eight in the morning, and I haven't gone to sleep yet.

    I can't really say much about this. 'Cept that there needs to be more poetry like it. Y'know, artistic, created, centered around natural happenings, ones that paint an exquisite picture...



    P.s. Love your shirt. Flippin' cool.
    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      The way this one is written, structurally speaking (bear with me:) is quite striking---leaves much up to the imagination of the reader as to the meaning and how most every line pieces together this almost broken feeling of Love. It's like a drug effect, no that I would know what that feels like....hehe.

    As always, very pretty words are used. *decadent * is a good word to sum this one up. I take it as the male character being almost eaten alive by his lady love, evil, evil woman!! Also very elemental, *waters, moon, sun, wind, vortex." As if Love is all-encompassing. Well, we all know it is don't we??

    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Linger written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]