Description: I guess this poem is all about the diffrent ways i see myself.........
I Am...... -------------------------------------------
I am a poet writing of my pain
a person living a life of shame
your daughter hiding my depression
your sister making a good impression
your friend acting like im fine
a wisher wishing this life weren't mine
a girl who thinks of suicide
a teenager pushing her tears aside
a student who doesnt have a clue
the girl sitting next to you
the one asking you to care
your girlfriend hoping youll be there
I like your simplicity here, I do think that a few things could make this poem sound an little better though.
If you don't mind I have a few suggestions.
I think the first line "I am" reeks a little of arrogance.
To say "I am this" seems too self assured, I believe and " I feel I am..." a "To me I am..." or even a toning down such as " I am but/just a..."
I think the "your" prefix to the subsequent lines make this a very personal poem yet the other lines are as if you are explaining to a stranger.
In my opinion the yours would sound better written still as an "A" (until the last line obviously)
Also, did you use "weren't" intentionally in the wrong context? It put me off the reading so much, I kept going back to reread the line between each one after to see if I read it wrong.
I think this has the potential to be a really nice little poem.
It just needs touching up.
I really like this its the usual kind of subject matter but it has some nice lines.
I like "a wisher wishing this life weren't mine"
and "your girlfriend hoping youll be there".
Suicide and depression arn't really great words for poems and takes a little away from the poem but other wise it's short and sweet and I like it.