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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Brings The Sinking Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyFairCalamity
    ASL Info:    17**I'm a lady**philly
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 115/67/16
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 559
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 952



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Brings The Sinking Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    She quietly crept upon me, pushing Day off to the side,
    Opened wide her black silk arms and wrapped me tight inside.
    With twinkling eyes, she watched me, from far above my place;
    Her gaze broke up the darkness as she looked down on my face.
    To some shes dark and cold, but with her, I feel at home.
    Although she brings the sinking sun, I never feel alone.
    For once Id like to hold her close, just as she holds me,
    In her diamond-studded darkness, I am the tree draped in ivy.
    I will dance my way to her embrace and raise my voice in praise
    For when it is her time to shine, she ends the hectic days.
    But now as Dawn approaches, her time with me escapes,
    And all those she had laid to rest must rise and be awake.
    So for the moment, she is chased away by the harsh light of the dawn,
    But Night, in all her beauty, never stays far-gone.




    Submitted on 2007-01-14 22:45:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yes, night is the greatest time of the day. I do not much like the bright daylight. In fact I think I am somewhat allergic to it (not necessarily physically).

    The description was well thought out. The beginning few lines were catchy and captivating. I started liking it from the very first word. I like how you kept "her" almost anonymous and went on praising "her". Putting forward her qualities as you see them.

    The transition to the part where you meld into the very personal part of it was immaculate. You placing yourself there in the middle of it all and being the "tree draped in ivy" was just perfect for me. The comparisons where very strong. I am not breaking it down any further because that is not how i read it. To me it just made sense.

    The comparison of day and hence giving the reader a clear sense of who is "her" was a brilliant way to work it out. It is a sensitive part to contrast the main topic and not get lost in it or overdo it. You have pulled it off just about right. Which made it, well, beautiful. Then finally you actually mentioned the night. It was quite evident what you were talking about by the fifth line if not earlier but the fact that you brought "her" out in the open with the last line, added to a very strong conclusion.

    I like the night. In fact, I am nocturnal. The write up was just about right for me. It was a good read and it made me feel good. Thanks..

    peace and empathy,
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by forestspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      Isn't that true? I love it. The descriptions are perfect. Night is the prettiest time.
    Sorry I can't make this comment as good as it should be. I'm in the worst mood ever. I want to rip my scalp off, but I had to tell you how much I love this anyway. I can't even pick a favorite part this time. It all goes together wonderfully.
    You are talented and I am fascinated.

    Oh, and the picture of the banana is fabulous too.

    Very beautifully done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the flow of this. it's like spoken word. i could hear a voice when i read it. that's a good talent to have.

    i'd say more but my head is empty now and most times. but i really enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good write. I really enjoyed reading it. There were only a couple of things that I saw that needed some reworking. First off, you should post this as a "nature" poem. It fits into the category. The other thing that I saw involved your meter. The meter was very sound up until line seven. Instead of what you have you might try something like:

    For once I'd like to hold her close, just as she holds me.

    By adding one extra word and a comma, you create the same flow as with the other lines. The only other problem is with the third from the last line. I would just go ahead and put "dawn" on the line above it. You make a complete thought that way, and you dont have to sacrifice the lovely meter that you already established. Overall, I was very impressed with this piece. It shows a versatility within the emotions that you express in your writing. I appreciate the good poetry that gets posted here, and yours is one of the better pieces of work that I've seen. Thank you for the post.I hope that this helps you in some way!
    Peace
    ~Clover
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel what you describe in this poem. There are certain moments, actually many moments, when the night is just beautiful. For being fresh and roughly clean in the darkness, for covering up the remains of the day, and basically giving a fresh start to a new day. No, you're right, the dark is not cold and dark, its rather fresh and loving.

    your meshing of a possible story (person) being the actual night in question of this poem right here makes it all the more fascinating and suggestive as to what the mystery of the night really is.
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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