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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Smile Breaking Throughdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 15
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1089
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 97



    Description:
       This treads on familiar ground for me, but I'm just happy to be writing. I wrote this after seeing the sky on Saturday morning. It was gray and oppressive, but there were a few places where the sun was peaking through like liquid gold, and it was gorgeous.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Smile Breaking Throughdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sun's aureate rays tore holes in the pewter sky,
    a smile breaking through sorrow.




    Submitted on 2007-01-15 02:08:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Its hard to comment on your minimalist poems because I have to use way more words than you do to do justice to your poems. I loved the pewter sky image, --I have used that myself ---it is just a certain shade of grey--with that soft sheen that the sky sometimes has.

    Where I luve now, the sky looms large, yielding spectacuar sunsets, lightning shows, gigantic rainbows, and humbling starry displays in the night . The comparison to a smile breaking through here is just so succinct when I think about it--it makes me smile too!

    oday has been overcast off and on, and I am leaving for work soon,--I will look for that smile though--and when it breaks through--I will surely think of you.

    Sally
    | Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Unreal how you can write two lines and put so much feeling in to it.
    What a warm feeling reading these two lines gave me.Through the pewter sky the i love that saying describing a gray cloudy day.And the liquid gold in your description .I would never have thought to describethe sun that way.I'm awe inspired by some people how they write and the words they choose.And you my dear are one of them love you sweetie take care,this put a smile on my face thank you.

    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
      It takes a fine poet to conjure up something so beautiful from a gray and dull sky. I can see it myself, through your eyes and through your words. I like pewter as the gray sky color. And the idea of it all as 'a smile breaking through sorrow'- Very Nice!
    | Posted on 2007-05-18 00:00:00 | by Wild Flower | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of a haiku, for some reason; short, but summing up your emotion in a few short lines. I find it hard to believe that so short an entry could say that much, but I guess I've been convinced...

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-04-22 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, simple, concise....yet it says what it needs to to paint an immediate picture in the mind of the reader. In my estimation that would tend to make it successful. Will be stopping by for additional reads when time permits.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      YOu are a very very talented writer and an inspiration to me. This was a lovely line you conjured. I adore it and am able to appreciate the awe you must have felt in the presence of the awesomeness of the heavens.

    Sincerest Affections
    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2007-03-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Amy,

    Wow, this was a delight to read. Those glorious beams breaking through that threatening sky. That's an image we can all relate to. For some reason those are very memorable skies...that always fill us with hope.

    The idea of a 'pewter sky' is ideal for an image in this piece. It really gives that grey sky weight. All the heaviness of sorrow.

    I especially like the brevity of this, and the way that you begin with the adjectival descriptors in the first line and then wittle it down to the idea you're talking about. Its just the bare bones in the second line.

    I wonder if it wouldn't look better without the caps at the start of the lines. It seems like i say that a lot. I suppose one of my nitpicks is not pairing capitalization with punctuation. And i usually opt not to have either, but i think its either both or neither.

    a delight to read,
    later,
    kc
    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Stunning imagery!

    You capture the picture with amazing accuracy and turn it into pure poetry... I particular like the image created by 'pewter sky'.

    Great write.
    | Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      Only change I might think about making is dropping 'like.' Other than that this is a terrific Imagist poem. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      'Pewter sky' - I like that.

    This one is a wake-up call to all writers who produce long, windy pieces! Two poetic lines is all it takes to slay me.

    I am so jealous of your genius! :p Have a nice day. :)
    | Posted on 2007-02-12 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the minimalism of this piece. I love that you made the golden rays tear through the dreary sky. Sometimes, in moments of sorrow, smiles will break through, even if for only a moment, and it makes life seem possible again. I like the hope in this piece. :)
    Take care sis. Love and hugs!
    bethany ann
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Amy,

    There is no doubt that I can see it. I love "pewter sky". That's a nice use of aureate too. Obscure but it's perfect!
    I love it when you send me to my dictionary.

    The sun's aureate rays tore holes in the pewter sky
    Like a smile breaking through sorrow

    The thing that's cool about sky poems is they make us recall the most beautiful skies we've seen.

    How much more universal could relating be? I'm glad to see that you were inspired. I hope many more writes come to call.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful, Amy. sheer minimalism at its best, i think. i can feel the sun on my skin as it peeks through the "pewter sky." i love that image. and the smile, "breaking through sorrow" ... i noticed you dropped something, when i read it before i think you mentioned a face or something .. i like this version better.

    it's great that you can give us such a beautiful image in just two lines. your talent at minimalism is so unique. i'm always excited to see a new post from you, ladybug. i'm so happy that you are writing again, even just two lines which say so much.

    love&hugs,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhhh the wonderful ray of hope. There is nothing like the smallest bit of light dominating darkness. Even though the brightest sun can smile upon the coldest day, it seems to bring some sort of fulfillment to our lives, even if it just a few rays breaking up that dreary, overcast depression. The very first thing I noticed about this write, aside from your signature- short and to the point, is that it could also be compared to you. It actually spoke volumes about you, in its shortness, as a ray of light dominating this site with so very little to say. Not saying the site is dreary or dark, just that your short writes seem to stand out and stick in our memory, much like the faintest light in darkness sticks with us. Keep doing what you do :)
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool. Pretty good for a little two-liner. I'm not really a big fan of super-short poetry, but this is pretty cool I suppose.

    Good job.
    Keep writing!
    -Kamerin
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Kamerin Brown | [ Reply to This ]


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