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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Indiandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TwistedMinded
    ASL Info:    23/m/San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    1.74 - 82/109/32
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 780
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 551



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Indiandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk around with a thousand spears,
    Fear the Indian with a lot of fear
    Clear my path im looking for fresh deer
    I walk around as a shadow in the valley of death,
    I resurrected from the dead,
    Im breaking bread, to my people,
    Im lethal, deceitful,
    like venom of a viper,
    Fatal like a sniper, a sharp shooter.
    I master minded the plan,
    im the source of the Taliban
    Im the craziest terrorist in this god giving land
    Im "The" man fool, you do understand.




    Submitted on 2007-01-15 02:35:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this wasn't bad
    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting....Parts of it seem like a rap song the way you throw off your words...seems lyrical and full of colorful imagery. Excellent
    | Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by tirebiter24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is different and good. I like the imagery and the I agree with Lizzy B with the use of fear twice in one line, but the rest is pretty good.
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
      This gives good images.
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by numbertwenty | [ Reply to This ]
      Very original and creative. I enjoyed reading this. It certainly gave me vivid images of indians in the wild west.

    Excellent stuff from you.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this peice is very...unique. It's a lot different than the usual peices I read, so I might not be a very good judge. I'm not sure you should use the word 'fear' twice in line two, it doesn't sound quite right. It's very descriptive, though. Keep up the good work.
    Byeyahs,
    ~Lizzy~
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Lizzy B | [ Reply to This ]


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