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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Living Lowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SpartanSteve
    ASL Info:    20/m/texas
    Elite Ratio:    3.85 - 41/54/45
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 116
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 454



    Description:
       Feeling strange, so I decided to take up poetry again. Been working on songwriting anyway. Probably why I feel all lyrical.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiving Lowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Winning the battle,
    Losing the war.
    Dumping a girlfriend,
    Buying a whore.

    Forfeiting eyesight,
    sweet blinded bliss.
    Quietly loathing,
    dwelling in piss.

    Put up your hands.
    Lay on the ground.
    Pick all your pockets,
    while feeling around.

    Legs both together,
    now spread them apart.
    We'll be past the end,
    as soon as I start.




    Submitted on 2007-01-15 17:38:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Winning the battle,
    Losing the war.
    Dumping a girlfriend,
    Buying a whore.

    Forfeiting eyesight,
    sweet blinded bliss.
    Quietly loathing,
    dwelling in piss.

    Put up your hands.
    Lay on the ground.
    Pick all your pockets,
    while feeling around.

    Legs both together,
    now spread them apart.
    We'll be past the end,
    as soon as I start.


    This could have been a blandly clichéd glimpse of the 'pitiful me's' if it weren't so bitingly acidic at the close of each stanza. This is a blistering 'anti-love' song full of venom and self loathing that deifies and vilifies the low life with fairly brutal candor. You may consider a slight revision to the first two lines of the post to tweak the 'old saying,' but I wouldn't touch the rest of the post to avoid severe burns.

    Hope your life is a bit better than this.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. It shows the downside to things, well thats what i thought of when I read it. I like it, but I don't really know why. It just caught my attention and is making me think. Very nicely written, the words you chose just made me sit here and think. It made me think of how some people live, just without luck.

    Great job, I'll definately come back to read and think about this more. Wonderful write!
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by djtswing | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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