Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Artemisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pietro
    ASL Info:    30/m/cebu
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 298/175/36
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 991



    Description:
       this one was inspired by of all things, my dog. artemis. he's a maltese poodle, a.k.a. malty poo, a.k.a. artemis foul. also inspired by a poem called "identity". forgot the author. will look it up again. note, i am not anti-cat. so cat lovers out there dont stone me. i just really really really love that dog.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArtemisdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Let them be as felines,
    always guarded, fed and pampered-
    but ensconced indoors.

    Id rather be wild and free
    running amok on hillsides and plains;
    covering distances as far as my beleaguered paws
    can take me.

    To have been a friend of man since his dawn.
    To hunt game side by side,
    to keep company and guard.
    To be counted as one of his kin
    and to be mourned of my untimely passing-
    spoken of my bravery.

    Id rather be kicked and tied
    and scorned if I offend,
    than to be an overly pretentious
    fastidious cat;
    cleaning and clawing all things.
    Id rather be wallowing in mud
    than be praised for my purity of pelt.

    Id rather be fed excrement than stalk
    my prey with utter cruelty and cunningness
    and the coldness of a natural born killer.
    Id rather be a flea-ridden, offending, foul beast.




    Submitted on 2007-01-16 03:22:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmm...knowing u, i think "fastidiodistic" seemed riiight on target..what else CAN i say?! you gotsta loooooove Artemis!
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      Anyone who has not yet read the Atemis Fowl series owes it to himself or herself to do so. This is a good "love your dog" poem. They do tend to be inspiring. No real love for cats here such that I'd care to have one for a pet, but I have met some with good personalities. But, I could say the same about my recently deceased goldfish.

    Especially true is, "To be counted as one of his kin and to be mourned of my untimely passing-". A dog looks at his human family as his pack, and around here we view Roban our Sheltie as family. And yes, I've done a poem about him.
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very cool and fun poem. I love the way you got into the actual essence of a dog and the way you bring forth so much energy in this. I am more of a dog person, though i still love animals including cats but i have my own dog and during this it made me think or her and i dont get to see her oftebn becouse am in school fairly far from home so this was a fun poem to read in rememberence of her. I also found my self imanign the first real demestocted dogs with this becose of the tast of a newly demestcated dog fell perfectly into this. It had a prty good rythm to it. The only part where i found myself get slightly pulled away becosue the rythm just seemed a little off is in the 2nd stanza 3rd line it seemed a little off to me but i like the meaining behind it at the same time. Possibly if you could remove a word with out lossing the meanign behing it or the power i realy think that that would help alot. Great work on this it was creative and a fun read!
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by all4u | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah. Artemis is kind of a bad name for a male dog, but I have known males named Artemis. Usually they tend to be bad-asses, so you don't generally want to poke fun at their names.

    Agreement on all points raised by Jase.

    I really dug the point of view. I could feel the dogginess coming through. Like it was really a dog trying to tell you what it thought.

    Ah...ADD...

    Thanks for sharing, and sorry for the suckage in the comment.
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      First off: you called a male dog "Artemis"? Wtf? After the Goddess of the Moon? Who the f.uck decided to name him that? God forbid it was you lol...

    On a more serious note, this seems quite restrained in delivery, the language clipped and not so ebullient, apart from certain phrases.

    I think you expressed this quite heroically from the point of view of your dog, taking on his persona as such inasmuch as you were able.

    On another note, I think you meant "fastidious", not "fastidiodistic"... unless that was an intentional gaffe in trying to make cats sound like pompous idiots.

    One other thing... this line:
    "but ensconced to closed and dark indoors."
    --could easily be trimmed down to--
    "ensconced indoors."
    Just a thought.

    Yup, my two cents for you.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132185

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry