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    dots Submission Name: Fallen Worlddots

    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677

       boredom makes me write better

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Worlddots

    The drums continue to beat
    The stars cease to shine
    Life begins to fail
    Here in the fields of crimson lies
    Azure skies turn to black
    As smoke rises from bodies burned
    The stench of war wreaks havoc
    The sounds of agony plague all
    Here where the world ends
    Man flees from the beast and still is beaten
    Failed in faith they fall by the hundreds
    Fields of rose’s burn
    Their scent turned to death
    Famine takes control
    Plague takes their souls
    Here where the stars forgot to shine
    All will die because man cannot cease their lies
    Here in the fallen world.

    Submitted on 2007-01-16 11:37:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ouch. And Oh So True. The message in this is made very, very clear and again I thought the last two lines were brilliant. But the imagery in this was amazing...the inclusion of the multiple bodily senses - sight, smell and hearing - was very clever as it adds to the image you've built up. The reader doesn't just imagine the sight of the burned bodies, but also the smells and sounds which throws you right in the middle.

    I also liked the reference to the stars, the contrast between the drums still beating out their rhythm and the stars fading...draws a stark contrast between that which man has made destroying that which nature in her far better wisdom has made, and makes the feeling of isolation and lonliness in the poem even more profound.

    Well written - a favourite.
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write, man. adding it to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      You're right..... i like this. Welcome to the fav list
    | Posted on 2007-01-18 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there, is good to see/read your postings again. Been a while. I like this, the free verse style works on it. I think everyone is feeling like this. So sick of stupid wars. Anway welcome back.

    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

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