[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fallen Worlddots

    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677

       boredom makes me write better

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Worlddots

    The drums continue to beat
    The stars cease to shine
    Life begins to fail
    Here in the fields of crimson lies
    Azure skies turn to black
    As smoke rises from bodies burned
    The stench of war wreaks havoc
    The sounds of agony plague all
    Here where the world ends
    Man flees from the beast and still is beaten
    Failed in faith they fall by the hundreds
    Fields of rose’s burn
    Their scent turned to death
    Famine takes control
    Plague takes their souls
    Here where the stars forgot to shine
    All will die because man cannot cease their lies
    Here in the fallen world.

    Submitted on 2007-01-16 11:37:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ouch. And Oh So True. The message in this is made very, very clear and again I thought the last two lines were brilliant. But the imagery in this was amazing...the inclusion of the multiple bodily senses - sight, smell and hearing - was very clever as it adds to the image you've built up. The reader doesn't just imagine the sight of the burned bodies, but also the smells and sounds which throws you right in the middle.

    I also liked the reference to the stars, the contrast between the drums still beating out their rhythm and the stars fading...draws a stark contrast between that which man has made destroying that which nature in her far better wisdom has made, and makes the feeling of isolation and lonliness in the poem even more profound.

    Well written - a favourite.
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write, man. adding it to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      You're right..... i like this. Welcome to the fav list
    | Posted on 2007-01-18 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there, is good to see/read your postings again. Been a while. I like this, the free verse style works on it. I think everyone is feeling like this. So sick of stupid wars. Anway welcome back.

    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    ME written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]