Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If You Candots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 893



    Description:
       Can anyone save me?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Candots
    -------------------------------------------



    The stars fade into the distance.
    The moon sinks into the hollows of hell.
    Hold me as the world falls away.
    Be my savior as tomorrow will seemingly never come.
    Unholy as I have been
    Always failing in all but sin
    I have damned only myself.
    Be my angel in this desolate end.
    Be my shield against the storm.
    The fires are raging where only my much loved shadows once lay.
    I have slain my own heart and shattered its soul.
    Be my bridge that spans the river Styx.
    Be my faith that parts the sea.
    I drown in misery, and
    I flail against all else.
    The tears I shed
    The blood that my veins spill
    Soak the cold hard earth
    Feeding the hate I need.
    Be my hangman’s noose.
    Be my gallows at dawn.
    Be my prison.
    Be my release if you can.




    Submitted on 2007-01-16 11:38:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, This was deep and emotional. I could feel the pain and despair as I read it. I think that this is a wonderful poem of longing and wanting relief. The powerful words of the poem sent shivers down my spine. I don't think there is anything I would change about this. Good job and keep it up. You are a good writer. Also, I hope that the feeling you felt when you wrote this have been taken away. I hope someone was able to save you!
    Toodles
    Katie
    | Posted on 2007-01-21 00:00:00 | by Lover girl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is absolutely amazing, its almost like im there and i can see all of this happening, thats terriffic, i love the flow of the piece its kinda fast but i like that i think that it adds to the emotion and the desperate plea for help and acceptance, wow, amazing i love it....Joy
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so heart wrenching. You can feel the dispair as you read it. The only problem i have with it is the last line...i dont like the "if you can" at the end. or mabye if it was turned around , 'If you can, be my release. ' I dont know just a suggestion.


    AL
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      OKAY, here's your release

    Come from the darkside, how you arrive there is not important...
    You make this poem sound like a message in a bottle from someone abandoned, or self-abandoned on an island of loneliness...
    Hope this is your imagination and creative juices overflowing..
    Maybe someone else can identify with you in their poetry....check them out..
    I really like that you put it out there from the island for people to read and release you, if they can

    Keep writing...keep feeling

    NOLARD...a writing friend
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by NOLARD | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132200

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry