[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: If You Candots

    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 893

       Can anyone save me?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Candots

    The stars fade into the distance.
    The moon sinks into the hollows of hell.
    Hold me as the world falls away.
    Be my savior as tomorrow will seemingly never come.
    Unholy as I have been
    Always failing in all but sin
    I have damned only myself.
    Be my angel in this desolate end.
    Be my shield against the storm.
    The fires are raging where only my much loved shadows once lay.
    I have slain my own heart and shattered its soul.
    Be my bridge that spans the river Styx.
    Be my faith that parts the sea.
    I drown in misery, and
    I flail against all else.
    The tears I shed
    The blood that my veins spill
    Soak the cold hard earth
    Feeding the hate I need.
    Be my hangman’s noose.
    Be my gallows at dawn.
    Be my prison.
    Be my release if you can.

    Submitted on 2007-01-16 11:38:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, This was deep and emotional. I could feel the pain and despair as I read it. I think that this is a wonderful poem of longing and wanting relief. The powerful words of the poem sent shivers down my spine. I don't think there is anything I would change about this. Good job and keep it up. You are a good writer. Also, I hope that the feeling you felt when you wrote this have been taken away. I hope someone was able to save you!
    | Posted on 2007-01-21 00:00:00 | by Lover girl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is absolutely amazing, its almost like im there and i can see all of this happening, thats terriffic, i love the flow of the piece its kinda fast but i like that i think that it adds to the emotion and the desperate plea for help and acceptance, wow, amazing i love it....Joy
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so heart wrenching. You can feel the dispair as you read it. The only problem i have with it is the last line...i dont like the "if you can" at the end. or mabye if it was turned around , 'If you can, be my release. ' I dont know just a suggestion.

    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      OKAY, here's your release

    Come from the darkside, how you arrive there is not important...
    You make this poem sound like a message in a bottle from someone abandoned, or self-abandoned on an island of loneliness...
    Hope this is your imagination and creative juices overflowing..
    Maybe someone else can identify with you in their poetry....check them out..
    I really like that you put it out there from the island for people to read and release you, if they can

    Keep writing...keep feeling

    NOLARD...a writing friend
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by NOLARD | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Your Lover written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]