Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: More than a womandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1017
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1180



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMore than a womandots
    -------------------------------------------


    For you, I'll be more than a woman
    I'll be more than you'll ever need
    I'll be more than I am

    For you I can see
    You need more than any other
    And because I want to be with you
    I'll give you more than another

    She can't give you what you need
    I can be more than her
    I am more than her, I'm a better breed
    I have more to give you then she could ever conceive

    Don't you understand
    Her love isn't real
    My love is
    I know that it's me you feel

    Don't let her foolishness blind you
    Because her ignorance is beyond you
    Let me show you what a real woman is
    And I'll let her know that she can't compare to this

    Let's not take so long
    Because I know that what you feel for her is wrong
    Because real love is staring you in the face
    And it's not something she can replace

    I can't do this alone
    I'll be more than a woman
    But you have to show me first
    That you'll be my true love




    Submitted on 2007-01-16 17:21:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      now if Brad is doing this you know I won't stand for it! Ok but to actually critiquing. Seemed to start off slow rhythm wise but really picked up in the middle. If this is actually true you seem pretty determined to be "more than a woman" for him. I really love this line...

    "I am more than her, I'm a better breed"

    You are ALWAYS the better breed. haha. That has to be the best line of the whole write to be honest. Anyways...

    Nice picture you got on here by the way and I'm glad I got to see you the other night. Did he like your new things you bought the other night too? hehe. ;-)

    love
    Brenna
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      this/is and real/feel cliché ryhmes, but I do those all the time, and I cant even spell the word rhymes right.

    Anyways this is rather amazing, rather powerful too. Are you going to give this poem to the man that your trying to prove yourself too? He's lucky to have you to open his eyes to the truth.

    but remember not all who appear ignorant are ignorant, and some who seem to not measure up to great standards, do
    and Im not sure how that all works out

    this poem is from the heart though I some of your ryhmes are cliché and sometimes repetitive
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132230

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry