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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Destinydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blue_pixie_dust
    ASL Info:    16 female
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 42/36/22
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 283
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1233



    Description:
       Well...I've been having trouble writing this one, and I don't think it's all done. I probably many things taken out and put in. Feel free to critique as much as you want.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDestinydots
    -------------------------------------------


    One fear stricken boy destined to find a way
    His lonely, cold tear slowly, falling down
    Deadly bombs draw near him each day

    Wanting to have a chance, just a chance to go home
    But none has come, he is all alone
    Each day hoping this war will soon end

    Shivering, freezing fingers are writing his letter
    Hoping that back home will think him better

    Bloody fingers hold the gun in place
    Fear, hatred, and wondering are drawn on his face

    Seeing a young man running near him
    Opposite sides they are from. The sight is very dim.
    Running closer, getting a better spot
    Thinking, soon, he would have a greater shot.

    Shaking, he aimed

    Gradually lifting his body to look
    The pain he felt when on a prickly branch, he was hooked

    The sound of a gun shot from off in the distance
    Anther pain, but of greater shock

    The soldier fell quickly, and sighed

    It was his time
    His place
    His hour
    His Savior wanted him home

    This was the end
    He was going to meet His Lord
    His destiny





    Submitted on 2007-01-16 18:40:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Love this one too. Your a very good writer. Better then me..Most of my writings I keep to myself anyway. I'll share them someday. Anyway again Keep Writing. <3
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by EbonyBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      This story is one that has been repeated throughout history yet it seems mankind can never quite manage to not have wars. The heartbreak is well described and I wish it were just a poem and not reality. Thanks for sharing, Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      This was absolutely beautiful. I could truly feel his pain as a solider fighting in the war. It did not matter what side he was on I felt his ache. He is finally able to see his lord. The only thing that I could suggest would it seamed that maybe a line or two was missing, but this was wonderful, I sent it to dome friends.

    ~Meagan
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by the_truth | [ Reply to This ]
      "hoping that back home will think him better"...doesn't sound good to me. You need to re write it i think.anyway, i like the message...i really find it hard to write about something like this...so i salute you for this one...
    good luck,
    jen
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]



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