Description: Ok, I am not suicidal or anything, actually I was quite happy when I was writing this. Laughing in fact. It's just this is how I feel about how love is treating me right now and its a bitch. Anyway, I hope you like it. It's a little intense, but I really like it. Be honest. Thanks!
On my knees -------------------------------------------
Strangle me down
Straight into the concrete
Isn't this what you want?
My ultimate defeat?
Blood flows with tears
Down my scratched cheek
On my knees I'm begging
What else do you seek?
Will blood from my neck
And acid from inside
Be enough to convice you
That my soul has died
If so, then be done now
Stab where you please
Just end the pain
While I'm on my knees
Lol. I know this is supposed to be serious but I read your description and imagined you giggling as you wrote it. It kind of gives the poem a differant sense to know that the author thought it was humerous. If NOT for that insight it would be quite a plain and boring bit of "omg love meee" poetry. :x you know? eh, yeah, I'll go away.
This is a very strong write that to me reflects the Pain and the feeling of being controlled a woman feels by her so called soulmate
To me this is not Love
This is in fact Infatuation
All the neccesary clues are there in describing infactuation
You did an excellent job with this
You carried the emotion you feel well all throughout this write!!!
God Bless
Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
I really liked it, you are right it is quite intense and it really put an image in my mind. Good writing! I would have liked the poem to be a bit longer, however. I think you wrote it really well and it was a shame for it to end so quickly, although I suppose too much of a good thing is bad.
I like <Strangle me down> but rhyming <concrete> with <defeat> seems a bit tenuous.The rhymes in the other three verses work fairly well I think.The overall feel of the piece is effective and the message comes across well.The flow perhaps could be improved but generally speaking it's a good poem.
Cheers
A.C
Submission Name: On my knees
