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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time Will Only Telldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1144



    Description:
       Just writing please comment negative or positive don't care.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime Will Only Telldots
    -------------------------------------------


    At 1st glance
    I said to you
    "I only want one chance"
    Just me and you
    let me hold you in till the dark skyís turn blue
    Hope this make sense to you
    So you can be my one 'n only boo

    It's amazing how you caught my eye
    the way you put your hair
    The way you get your manicure
    No make up, so sexy, so pure
    Girl you have nothin to fear
    when Iím so close and near.

    Iím not looking for a thug girl
    lookin for a girl
    that I can hold in my arms,
    take to the prom, maybe even get to know your mom.

    At 1st glance
    I said to you
    "I only want one chance"
    Just me and you
    let me hold you in till the dark skies turn blue
    Hope this makes sense to you
    So you can be my one 'n only boo

    Never thought I would feel this way about a girl,
    in till god sent you my way.
    Amazing how be swayed my criminals ways
    so much I want to say
    Yet Iím speechless
    When I look into the eyes of a princess




    Submitted on 2007-01-17 19:00:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Your such a romantic. lol. I like this though. Really good. kinda random the way it is put together but still. . .
    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by Jessica Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      awwwwwww. that's so sweet. really good writng.

    <3 black rose
    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by black rose13 | [ Reply to This ]
      cute.. i like the lines about the dark sky being blue and i hope with a poem like this you will get the one chance that last a while!!!
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good rap, far better than any of my failed attempts to rap hahha.

    i know this isnt intended to be like a love poem but for this part i think

    "lookin for a girl
    that I can hold in my arms,
    take to the prom, maybe even get to know your mom"

    fits in better alone. i think it makes it more personal. good job, and take it easy

    - kase
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      chop chop
    chop chop chop
    chop

    that's what needs to be removed.
    chop
    chop chop
    chop chop chop
    chop
    | Posted on 2007-01-18 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree there is some choppiness to it but you pulled thru very well. My only real problem is i hate substituting for words, n for and 1st for first i dont know its just a personal thing i think in a prior life i was an english teacher. but i never capitalise...weird huh.

    AL
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good, you showed your emtions very will, there was some choppiness other than that great job.
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]


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