a future of understanding... -------------------------------------------
oh woe
oh woe
to creations of man
for the pleasures of man
the secretions of the earth
bring fortune to those who refine
oh woe
oh woe
needing the silk skin
of a woman's touch
brings sweet satisfaction
to a man's ego.
woe to you
woe to you
those who seek emptiness
for it comes with a striking
wave of bounty.
See!
See!
the pleasure and true happiness
of the man with a full heart
with the needs fufilled,
and the heart warmed.
woe to you
woe to you
the secretions of the earth
will bring chaos to communes.
for they already have begun
the final years of the earth
are being counted downwards
to the end of the reign
of the evil one.
A WAR!
A WAR!
Is only fought where
one cannot see it.
In the light where
the heavens lay
and the demons and
angels fight over souls.
HERE THIS!
HERE THIS!
a few in time
will see this fight
in moments and in dreams
of fright. But only fear
to those that are not ready
comes with procrastination.
i promised to comment on one of your pieces and so i am doing it.
This piece reminds me a lot of what is happening in america with Bush. Many people do not understand the reason of the war. Honestly, i do not understand why such a war has to exist, but in time, the reason will be revealed.
This piece also reminded me of a religious movies i have seen on Tv. The movie was based about two brothers one who was one the good side and the other who was on the evil side. The ending was although the good one had nothing left with him, he still had faith that the world will see.
I do see some problems in this piece. Firstly, with the title. i think you should find something more capturing than the simple truth. To me, the title didn't make much justice to the piece as it was suppose to.
Secondly, I think your piece lacks a little bit of passion in it. There are parts in the piece where i thought you could use a different sentence structure of wording. Such sentences include:
of a woman's touch
brings sweet satisfaction
of the man with a full heart
with the needs fufilled,
and the heart warmed.
for they already have begun
the final years of the earth
are being counted downwards
to the end of the reign
of the evil one.
I believe you've got some great ideas and that with a a little bit of structure in your piece, it has great potential.
Submission Name: a future of understanding...
