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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Farewell to the Corrupteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ebflannery
    ASL Info:    24/
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 184/184/48
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 167
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1063



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFarewell to the Corrupteddots
    -------------------------------------------



    Psycho Babble calls it codependency-
    An Addiction all its own
    The need created within the children
    Who have faced addicts and the world alone
    The desire to patch all that is broken
    Inside yet another drowning soul
    Unhealthy relations filling the void
    And contributing to one’s downfall
    And in the sea of dependant
    Codependent pathetic waste
    I have found myself thrashing against the waves
    Of vodka, whiskey, alcoholic tastes
    Of drugs and lunacy pity party fools
    Sucking the life from my weakened veins
    The diseased crawling inside my thoughts
    And corrupting me with their games
    And through years of slurred speech and bloodshot eyes
    I have watched powerful kingdoms fall
    While I have ran behind picking up the pieces
    And jumping when they call
    But it is done, I will cry no more
    For the ones who I cannot change
    I bid farewell to the corrupted angels
    Because I no longer take the blame




    Submitted on 2007-01-19 01:36:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I think you used the slant rhymes well and that they suited the loose delivery.

    It just about scared me off in the first few lines because I was getting red flags for "rant"

    The 3/5 after that are the strongest part of thwe poem and then here:

    While I have ran behind picking up the pieces
    And jumping when they call
    But it is done, I will cry no more
    For the ones who I cannot change
    I bid farewell to the corrupted angels
    Because I no longer take the blame

    It follows a somewhat worn pattern "I won't" "I will"

    I think the close would be stronger if you showed the change rather than made it seem an affirmation.

    DB:)
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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