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    dots Submission Name: Timedots

    Author: patrick o_riley
    ASL Info:    16, male, ontario
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 70/91/25
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 593

       This is about trying to reach something, trying so hard to break free of all restrictions. This is new and different form my old stuff(and by old i mean like 2 years ago). I hope I have improved annyone who wants please comment all will be apreciated. thankyou!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Slowly the clock ticks away,
    Time goes and comes but never stays in one place for long,
    Like a pendulum swinging, the rain never stops to think.

    When you dream it feels like your flying over fields of without having being tied down,
    waking up once again under a heavy blanket.
    You find yourself tied down and controlled by the moving of hands.

    Stop this insanity once and for all,
    Break free of these chains which tie you down,
    Don't become a slave,
    Stop this fight,

    Submitted on 2007-01-19 08:36:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, youve obviously thought about the construction. Its always nice to read something new and refreshing. It had a nice structure!

    It lacks a bit when it comes to elegance and flow, somehow I dont take the message as strongly as I would have, if the frame was a bit tighter and the sentences more "joined".

    It was however, deep, thoughtfull and nice.
    Time is a very abstract object, and its nice to read how you see it and feel it, the treath of it. You did make a fine image of this fear. With your harsh and colored words.

    Just remember the package. The structure, form and sentences must melt together somehow.

    Keep writing,
    hugs C
    | Posted on 2007-01-19 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

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