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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tears Flow Through the Hollowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Acid
    ASL Info:    17/M/Newport, WA
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 103/159/76
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1063



    Description:
       Emo, not so much, it's just depressingly fun is all


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears Flow Through the Hollowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In that place called the heart,
    I found a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow comes, and tears me apart,
    The tears will only follow.

    Running down my cheek,
    I lick the salty pain,
    Felt by the mench and meek.
    I drink the falling rain.

    I keep the place deep inside,
    The demon's den.
    Bound, locked up, gagged and tied,
    Dried salt wells up again.

    In that place called my heart,
    I retain a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow came, and tore me apart,
    The tears did only follow.

    Half dead, and dying,
    On the cracked ground below.
    I can't be seen crying,
    Or puppeting this show.

    The strings are cut, and gone,
    I'm finally free, alone and dead.
    No longer a weary pawn,
    "I'm happy." No more can be said.

    In that place called your heart,
    I closed a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow left, and gave new start,
    Those tears will never follow.




    Submitted on 2007-01-19 11:52:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First off...I loved the title. And this particular part:

    In that place called my heart,
    I retain a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow came, and tore me apart,
    The tears did only follow.


    This sounds like me, but in a lovelier way than I can put it. You have a very lovely way with words.
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad,not bad.Don't think you really need to repeat the same verse again though unless it's the chorus to a song.You do an ok job with the rhyming though the flow could be improved to make it read better.Not sure what <mench> means-care to elaborate?The poem has quite a snappy feel to it and I like some of the vocab you use.
    Cheers.
    A.C
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]


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