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    dots Submission Name: Tears Flow Through the Hollowdots

    Author: Acid
    ASL Info:    17/M/Newport, WA
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 103/159/76
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1063

       Emo, not so much, it's just depressingly fun is all

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears Flow Through the Hollowdots

    In that place called the heart,
    I found a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow comes, and tears me apart,
    The tears will only follow.

    Running down my cheek,
    I lick the salty pain,
    Felt by the mench and meek.
    I drink the falling rain.

    I keep the place deep inside,
    The demon's den.
    Bound, locked up, gagged and tied,
    Dried salt wells up again.

    In that place called my heart,
    I retain a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow came, and tore me apart,
    The tears did only follow.

    Half dead, and dying,
    On the cracked ground below.
    I can't be seen crying,
    Or puppeting this show.

    The strings are cut, and gone,
    I'm finally free, alone and dead.
    No longer a weary pawn,
    "I'm happy." No more can be said.

    In that place called your heart,
    I closed a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow left, and gave new start,
    Those tears will never follow.

    Submitted on 2007-01-19 11:52:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First off...I loved the title. And this particular part:

    In that place called my heart,
    I retain a gaping hollow.
    Sorrow came, and tore me apart,
    The tears did only follow.

    This sounds like me, but in a lovelier way than I can put it. You have a very lovely way with words.
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad,not bad.Don't think you really need to repeat the same verse again though unless it's the chorus to a song.You do an ok job with the rhyming though the flow could be improved to make it read better.Not sure what <mench> means-care to elaborate?The poem has quite a snappy feel to it and I like some of the vocab you use.
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]

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