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    dots Submission Name: Find your way homedots

    Author: tennisfuzz
    ASL Info:    21/F/wandering.
    Elite Ratio:    5.72 - 79/98/40
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Rant/Misc
    Total Views: 1660
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 896

       i wrote this after i read, One Flew OVer the Cukoo's
    Nest by Ken Kesey.. loved the book, but ya, i like it, whatever it is, these things just jump out of my mind

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFind your way homedots

    It’s a chant, a chant, I say
    Listen listen, the repetition is invetible
    Run away home, run away home
    Ringing, relentlessly, endlessly in your ears
    Clear. Precise. Organized. A Flawless system.
    Only… it’s made to tear you down
    “please proceed forward”
    DOnot Challenge challenge it, you can’t avoid
    An Elimination. An Annihilation. A complete Obliteration.

    You Pause, pause, question the control
    “Does not process, proceed proceed forward”
    disOBEY consistently inconsistant
    Balance sways, Sways dizzydizzy.
    Run away home, the system follows you backward
    Backward…. Intelligence can-not interweave into Insanity
    “does not proceed, process process wardbackforbackforward…”
    failing, shut down, down, down.
    Chanting chanting (only way to survive) MyHome.

    Submitted on 2007-01-19 19:03:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Maybe this isn't shared by most but the repetition with some of the words seemed to distract from the overall work. Maybe repeating specific, key phrases would help more, but it seemed to distract. Liked it otherwise though.
    | Posted on 2009-05-01 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is seriously heaving but I think you'd be glad to know that I didn't find it tiresome - at least not in two stanzas.

    To me, this speaks of finding your place, embracing your idiosyncracies and simply standing your ground no matter how unique or aggressive this may become. There is some wisdom in it, I think; even in the face of a strong storm where most trees bend because you're the only one that people would be willing to climb or hide under. And I know that it is possible to break under such pressure... but it is also possible to survive the gust that reality tosses your way.

    I also like the way you presented it. To me, it was like you were breaking down but the mere fact that you continued towards the end really reinforces your statement. It gave me the impression of a man carrying this weight over his shoulder and not only does it drag him down, it also challenges him and makes his words (or foundations) shake.

    But, like I said, the persona did pull through. And that is an element that was really useful in making this piece as powerful as it is.

    I've never read the book though.
    | Posted on 2007-12-11 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, you may not have intended this, but I justahve a vision of an Orwellian future, or maybe Bradbury's 451. Highly liquid. Minor internal paradoxes help to heighten to oddity of it all. Well done, as always.
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by Ignis Fatuus | [ Reply to This ]
      Makes me think of a broken record, or a dj scratching one where you want to hear what there is to be said so u just listen closer through the commotion. Brilliant piece and the way you write it makes the reader really feel the complications and choaticism described. great job
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      The way you write this reminds me of staticy connection, something that's not quite there. A story that is incomplete and told in small bits to confuse the great detectives. Also the lyrics "running for home" pop up. Very depressing song. :3
    I'm off. <3
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]

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