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I hear....

Author: sweet_rayne
ASL Info:    25/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493 /464 /111
Words: 105
Class/Type: Misc /Love
Total Views: 1302
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 609


i dont want to explain where this came from, it is not completely polished yet but ill work on that.

I hear....

Through sacred hills
And time and space
I hear his voice call my name
The voice of the man I love
A voice as soft as velvet
Again I hear him beckon to me
Our heartbeats match each other you see
It is out rhythm that leads him to me
A love so true it could never be
But does exist through time and space
The man I love whom continues to
Beckon to me through
Heart and soul his voice reaches my ears
As through this time and space
His soft voice flows gently over me
Like that of a lover’s touch

Submitted on 2007-01-20 02:13:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Very nice! I love love-y writings. The only critique I really have is that it seems to rhyme at some parts and then it doesn't anymore. I suggest you either make all or most of it rhyme or don't put any rhyming in there at all, it ruins the general rhythm of the entire thing. Very good otherwise.
| Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
  Joy, this prose tells a beautiful story, and is a very enjoyable read! It reminds me of a line in a poem in my portfolio that reads "and everywhere the Wind's Song has your love's name as its theme"! Your poem beautifully expresses that "when we're in love, our lover's presence is everywhere! Nice work!
| Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
This is a fairly decent poem thus far. I say thus far because per the explanation you plan to work on it still. The dreams of a love that cannot be seem to be a recurrent theme in your poetry. Maybe there is someone in real life that causes these dreams or maybe someone that you have never known but it does sadden ones soul to think that such dreams haunt one as seemingly wonderful as you.

| Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]

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