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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I hear....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       i dont want to explain where this came from, it is not completely polished yet but ill work on that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI hear....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Through sacred hills
    And time and space
    I hear his voice call my name
    The voice of the man I love
    A voice as soft as velvet
    Again I hear him beckon to me
    Our heartbeats match each other you see
    It is out rhythm that leads him to me
    A love so true it could never be
    But does exist through time and space
    The man I love whom continues to
    Beckon to me through
    Heart and soul his voice reaches my ears
    As through this time and space
    His soft voice flows gently over me
    Like that of a loverís touch




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 02:13:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice! I love love-y writings. The only critique I really have is that it seems to rhyme at some parts and then it doesn't anymore. I suggest you either make all or most of it rhyme or don't put any rhyming in there at all, it ruins the general rhythm of the entire thing. Very good otherwise.
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      Joy, this prose tells a beautiful story, and is a very enjoyable read! It reminds me of a line in a poem in my portfolio that reads "and everywhere the Wind's Song has your love's name as its theme"! Your poem beautifully expresses that "when we're in love, our lover's presence is everywhere! Nice work!
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Joy,
    This is a fairly decent poem thus far. I say thus far because per the explanation you plan to work on it still. The dreams of a love that cannot be seem to be a recurrent theme in your poetry. Maybe there is someone in real life that causes these dreams or maybe someone that you have never known but it does sadden ones soul to think that such dreams haunt one as seemingly wonderful as you.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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