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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The splendor of the daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elseibi
    ASL Info:    20/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 228/180/38
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297



    Description:
       I don't seem to be able to finish any of my writes recently :P ah well, heres another "work in progress"

    ~lou~ xx

    ps. thank ye Ron for the help xx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe splendor of the daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Nature lends a helping hand,
    to shelter me today,
    as the sweet sounds of the waves,
    help to wash my cares away,

    as the sun sinks slowly down,
    sending me her last warm ray,
    bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
    to salute the splendor of the day.




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 14:44:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice one Louise. It is very descriptive and the imagery fits very well with what you are saying.

    Could you make it a little longer ???

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      ooh, I really like this one. Short, Succinct, /and/ visually appealing. :]

    Even if it is 'unfinished', it's pretty enjoyable as is. Nice job ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Dragonfish91 | [ Reply to This ]
      Way to nail rhythm and rhyme schemes. That's rare. I liked this one; it shows an interesting view of things.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Lou, this was great!! I loved reading this poem!
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
      Lou, I think this is wonderful! I don't think it needs a thing! It is alive with images, as one can virtually hear the waves and see the setting sun!

    Here's a tiny suggestion that might improve the flow in the last stanza:

    "Bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
    to salute the splendor of the day."

    Nice going, Lou!!!
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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