Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The splendor of the daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elseibi
    ASL Info:    20/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 228/180/38
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 698
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297



    Description:
       I don't seem to be able to finish any of my writes recently :P ah well, heres another "work in progress"

    ~lou~ xx

    ps. thank ye Ron for the help xx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe splendor of the daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Nature lends a helping hand,
    to shelter me today,
    as the sweet sounds of the waves,
    help to wash my cares away,

    as the sun sinks slowly down,
    sending me her last warm ray,
    bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
    to salute the splendor of the day.




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 14:44:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice one Louise. It is very descriptive and the imagery fits very well with what you are saying.

    Could you make it a little longer ???

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      ooh, I really like this one. Short, Succinct, /and/ visually appealing. :]

    Even if it is 'unfinished', it's pretty enjoyable as is. Nice job ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Dragonfish91 | [ Reply to This ]
      Way to nail rhythm and rhyme schemes. That's rare. I liked this one; it shows an interesting view of things.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Lou, this was great!! I loved reading this poem!
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
      Lou, I think this is wonderful! I don't think it needs a thing! It is alive with images, as one can virtually hear the waves and see the setting sun!

    Here's a tiny suggestion that might improve the flow in the last stanza:

    "Bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
    to salute the splendor of the day."

    Nice going, Lou!!!
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132627

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry