Nature lends a helping hand,
to shelter me today,
as the sweet sounds of the waves,
help to wash my cares away,
as the sun sinks slowly down,
sending me her last warm ray,
bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
to salute the splendor of the day.
| Nice one Louise. It is very descriptive and the imagery fits very well with what you are saying.|
Could you make it a little longer ???
|| Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ] || ooh, I really like this one. Short, Succinct, /and/ visually appealing. :]|
Even if it is 'unfinished', it's pretty enjoyable as is. Nice job ^_^
|| Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Dragonfish91 | [ Reply to This ] || Way to nail rhythm and rhyme schemes. That's rare. I liked this one; it shows an interesting view of things. |
|| Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ] || Hi Lou, this was great!! I loved reading this poem!||| Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ] || Lou, I think this is wonderful! I don't think it needs a thing! It is alive with images, as one can virtually hear the waves and see the setting sun! |
Here's a tiny suggestion that might improve the flow in the last stanza:
"Bluebirds sing and tall trees bow
to salute the splendor of the day."
Nice going, Lou!!!
|| Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ] |