Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take You Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 487
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 797



    Description:
       My thoughts are leading to one place in particular these days...and the desire for that one person that I can not have is almost unbearable.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake You Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My hips are shaking, shaking
    Moving to a beat that's meant for you
    The tempo is almost unbearable
    And I don't know what to do

    My hands are aching, aching
    Dying to touch your skin
    I try to keep them preoccupied,
    But they've gotten away from me again

    My body's burning, burning
    I'll combust if I get too close
    Dancing around you, avoiding contact
    When that touch is what I want most

    My skin is tingling, tingling
    When you pull me near
    I grind against your body
    You whisper in my ear

    My heart is breaking, breaking
    Our chemistry is so strong
    But the song is almost over
    And you won't let me take you home.




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 19:04:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this because many times have I felt the same way with my ex. All his is to me is a tease, something I can never take home with me and keep to myself. What I especially liked was the repeating verbs in the first line of every stanza, something new. Good job!

    -Angel-
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again, a very magnificent write. I like it alot. It was written very well, flowed quite nicely. The only thing I can say is that you could've portrayed the emotion a little better, and ended a bit better. Other than that it was awesome. Another one I can relate to, I feel this way about my guy, though in the end I always get to take him home. I hope one you can get yours too. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading.

    Saint Razor
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by brknprlcndol | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132641

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry