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    dots Submission Name: Take You Homedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 521
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 797

       My thoughts are leading to one place in particular these days...and the desire for that one person that I can not have is almost unbearable.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake You Homedots

    My hips are shaking, shaking
    Moving to a beat that's meant for you
    The tempo is almost unbearable
    And I don't know what to do

    My hands are aching, aching
    Dying to touch your skin
    I try to keep them preoccupied,
    But they've gotten away from me again

    My body's burning, burning
    I'll combust if I get too close
    Dancing around you, avoiding contact
    When that touch is what I want most

    My skin is tingling, tingling
    When you pull me near
    I grind against your body
    You whisper in my ear

    My heart is breaking, breaking
    Our chemistry is so strong
    But the song is almost over
    And you won't let me take you home.

    Submitted on 2007-01-20 19:04:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this because many times have I felt the same way with my ex. All his is to me is a tease, something I can never take home with me and keep to myself. What I especially liked was the repeating verbs in the first line of every stanza, something new. Good job!

    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again, a very magnificent write. I like it alot. It was written very well, flowed quite nicely. The only thing I can say is that you could've portrayed the emotion a little better, and ended a bit better. Other than that it was awesome. Another one I can relate to, I feel this way about my guy, though in the end I always get to take him home. I hope one you can get yours too. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading.

    Saint Razor
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by brknprlcndol | [ Reply to This ]

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