Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When Hell Frozedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 466



    Description:
       ...death by eternal damnation in polar solitude...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen Hell Frozedots
    -------------------------------------------


    the heat wasn't
    fervent it was cold
    flash frozen fire
    in a devils embrace

    skin baked firm
    with terra cotta
    snowflakes should
    have shrieked

    in pain or pleasure
    or pled for mercy
    but a deep sleep
    caressed death

    and that was all
    the invitation
    an unsettled
    heaven would need

    eternal gridlock
    cemented in torments




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 21:28:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      And I read this just when I was beginning to suspect that any threat of eternal torment is NOT the best way to win converts to accept the "Truth"! All too many people resent the very idea of "hell" as being just a scare tactic and thereby they reject the source of such teachings as being unacceptable - even if it might be true. Most do not respond well to threats.

    I think the best way is as Nan's comment said, - apply yourself in such a way that "hell never enters my mind". Such is the confidence of a true believer, whether their faith is the absolute "Truth" or not (which we can't know) it serves well enough.

    "Frozen" has a timeless, eternal quality to it, therein lies the true horror given by your final lines.
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't help but think that being frozen would royally suck. I have to agree with fred about stanza 4. The first part and the last couple of lines are about chaos coming to an arctic halt, fire and brimstone standing still.

    Maybe if the last two were switched there wouldn't be an odd hiccup and it would flow into the heaven part in a more linear formation.

    I liked it a good bit, however. The descriptions put flavorful images in my head.

    Good stuff
    Steve
    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by SpartanSteve | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    About midway through this I get the impression of apathy. And what is remarkable is how you leave the condemned out of the poem essentially. While I like how you've made heaven as the deciding factor, there is this to consider.: Free will, and the idea that
    if God is benevolent, he forgives and desires that we move forward.

    But then there is evil, isn't there that keeps hounding us and that is the torture you describe. Those hot flakes isn't that the oatmeal you have for breakfast?

    Just ideas, really interesting write Bill. Here's my goal: I want to worshiping God with such devotion and intensity that hell never enters my mind.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      S4 doesn’t seem to fit the thoughts expressed in the rest. Cold fire, baked skin, suffering calmed by sleep, and then...heaven feels invited, or feels like intervening? No doubt you’ll accuse me of being too literal, but the words seem to mean what the words mean.
    fred
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132659

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Records I written by Raphael
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry