[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: When Hell Frozedots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2778/1297/258
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 573
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 466

       ...death by eternal damnation in polar solitude...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen Hell Frozedots

    the heat wasn't
    fervent it was cold
    flash frozen fire
    in a devils embrace

    skin baked firm
    with terra cotta
    snowflakes should
    have shrieked

    in pain or pleasure
    or pled for mercy
    but a deep sleep
    caressed death

    and that was all
    the invitation
    an unsettled
    heaven would need

    eternal gridlock
    cemented in torments

    Submitted on 2007-01-20 21:28:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      And I read this just when I was beginning to suspect that any threat of eternal torment is NOT the best way to win converts to accept the "Truth"! All too many people resent the very idea of "hell" as being just a scare tactic and thereby they reject the source of such teachings as being unacceptable - even if it might be true. Most do not respond well to threats.

    I think the best way is as Nan's comment said, - apply yourself in such a way that "hell never enters my mind". Such is the confidence of a true believer, whether their faith is the absolute "Truth" or not (which we can't know) it serves well enough.

    "Frozen" has a timeless, eternal quality to it, therein lies the true horror given by your final lines.
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't help but think that being frozen would royally suck. I have to agree with fred about stanza 4. The first part and the last couple of lines are about chaos coming to an arctic halt, fire and brimstone standing still.

    Maybe if the last two were switched there wouldn't be an odd hiccup and it would flow into the heaven part in a more linear formation.

    I liked it a good bit, however. The descriptions put flavorful images in my head.

    Good stuff
    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by SpartanSteve | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    About midway through this I get the impression of apathy. And what is remarkable is how you leave the condemned out of the poem essentially. While I like how you've made heaven as the deciding factor, there is this to consider.: Free will, and the idea that
    if God is benevolent, he forgives and desires that we move forward.

    But then there is evil, isn't there that keeps hounding us and that is the torture you describe. Those hot flakes isn't that the oatmeal you have for breakfast?

    Just ideas, really interesting write Bill. Here's my goal: I want to worshiping God with such devotion and intensity that hell never enters my mind.

    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      S4 doesn’t seem to fit the thoughts expressed in the rest. Cold fire, baked skin, suffering calmed by sleep, and then...heaven feels invited, or feels like intervening? No doubt you’ll accuse me of being too literal, but the words seem to mean what the words mean.
    | Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    AI written by poetotoe
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    Every..... written by jackz
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]