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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 928



    Description:
       Something I wrote, didn't really like but as I haven't posted in a while, I had to out this on the site. Feel free to insult (but not flame)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Watching them leave
    One by one by one
    She always said that she missed them
    When it was really just the loneliness that she couldnít stand
    The nights spent
    Thinking of more fun that could be had

    Sheís waiting for a miracle
    Hasnít found one today
    Though still looking.

    She keeps saying that this one is the one
    After knowing him for an hour or even day
    Never knowing when itíll stop lasting
    But she keeps hoping
    And looking everyday

    And once she finds him
    Sheís the one to let go
    The world is scary
    And you donít want to get caught in a web of lies
    And love that hurts

    Better to stay the nights alone
    And wish for a prince to show
    Then to take effort to make it work

    If fairy tales are real
    Why hasnít she found one of her own?




    Submitted on 2007-01-20 23:47:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm.. i really like this piece, it makes you think. I like the point of veiw taken on this, like you're a friend and you know what she is doing to herself and what its doing to those around her, and that one day people are going to stop trying to be with her b/c they know she will just push them away. I especially like these lines:

    Better to stay the nights alone
    And wish for a prince to show
    Then to take effort to make it work

    It shows that she has more or less become hopeless to finding someone she will love, but it says it in a way that, i dunno, works....I just like how it is phrased. Here's to a job well done.
    Keep It Up.

    Guermo
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow thats pretty good. Its true and right about now I know exactly what you mean. only in this case it was me who screwed it up and not her. And I'm worried if I feel the same way she does, wondering if its just the lonliness I feel inside making me miss her. because I know I loved her but, maybe not enough. I'm sure a few people can relate to this but how you said it, was very straight forward and I guess that theres no other way of saying it. thank you, this really is a work of art. although if you read the first line of the second stanza you mis wrote she's....or atleast thats what I think you meant. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2007-02-12 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]


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