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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As the Snow Fallsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imaginth
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 43/50/19
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1029



    Description:
       Just made this and I'm pretty satisfied with what I have created. I am always happy to make improvements and any and all comments are appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs the Snow Fallsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stand by my window this morn feeling awakened
    An extensive dream ended at long last
    Freedom filling the very air I breathe
    The snow gently falling on this eve of dawn
    I take deep breaths of relief as my dream ceases
    The very air rushing through my veins giving new life
    A new beginning and a new heart
    Sorrow burdens me no longer as it did in that dream
    The dream of death and a vast vortex of depression
    All of it wisped away into an invisible force
    Taken past the Willows and the Dog Wood
    Farther than the meadows and frozen tundra
    Beyond the icy caps at the top of the world
    Every bit and piece of the dream, gone
    Never to haunt me again
    Freeing me and giving me a new awakening
    A new light and a new soul
    I begin my long awaited journey
    I look past the dream and into reality
    A reality that offers peace
    And casts away the anxiety of the dream of sorrows
    Freedom feels so good




    Submitted on 2007-01-21 11:37:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow Mage, awesome job.

    This was soothing, but not so much that I felt tired, just...inner peace I guess. :D

    I love the snow, it feels so fluffy, like a cloud almost. Also, its frozen rain! What is there not to like about that?

    I think you could have used some more words to it, make it seem like it was everlasting.

    But otherwise I saw no flaws, it was a beauty piece, I see good things in your future Mage. I hope you keep on writing for as long as you are around. ((Awesome picture too.))

    Very good job.
    Mimi
    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]
      As a lover of snow, I find this to be quite peaceful and relaxing (especially since it's snowing outside right now). While I can agree about the lack of punctuation, I had no problem taking my time with this. When visualizing it in my mind, my natural tendencies took over and slowed my pace down itself. (Plainly said, awesome visuals.) There was one word I didn't like and that was "morn" and that may just be my own context of the word, but I see it as a colloquial home-grown word and this piece surpasses that. Overall, wonderful poem. I think you definitely achieved the desired affect.
    | Posted on 2007-01-21 00:00:00 | by SirensSong | [ Reply to This ]
      There were only two things I didn't like about this poem. The first was this line,

    "The dream of death and a vast vortex of depression"

    I didn't like the words vast or vortex...it seemed to scientific in a poem that was meant to be romantical and like a sigh.

    The other thing I didn't like was that you didn't have any punctuation. There was no where for the reader to pause or rest, no where for them to stop and reflect on what they had just been witness to.


    Sam
    | Posted on 2007-01-21 00:00:00 | by Falling Rain | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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