Overused Outlet by Mykquillion

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Overused Outlet dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Mykquillion
ASL Info:	20/M/NEB
Elite Ratio:	4.25 - 109/124/41
Words:	100

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	1142
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	668

Description:

Overused Outlet dots

-------------------------------------------

Flowing current,
Soon to bring me happiness,
Heat or entertainment,
Comes through two tall, thin men
With hands towards the heavens,
Screaming at each other;
How each is tired of living,
In that small igloo.

Or is it three disapproving faces,
Not excited to have metal prongs,
Shoved through their eyes,
And down their throats.

Or two bright windows,
Above a welcoming door,
On the best block of the neighborhood,
Each house eerily similar.

All of this,
On the canvas,
That is my only outlet.

Submitted on 2007-01-21 17:29:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  A superbly written poem, with clarity, imagery and cohesiveness.

Yes, we all need an outlet to expand and contract our feelings and emotions.

After reading this great piece, I wonder, did I have a philosophical discussion with Socrates?

Poem rings with deep meaning and solid truth for humanity.

God bless and keep the faith.
| Posted on 2007-12-28 00:00:00 | by FireFly747 | [ Reply to This ]
  haha i liked this piece. the double meaning of the word outlet is put to good use. good write

J. Ackson Jr.
| Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by JAcksonJr | [ Reply to This ]
  Makes me feel like an outlet.
| Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by Endless River | [ Reply to This ]
  Flowing current,
Soon to bring me happiness,
Heat or entertainment,
Comes through two tall, thin men
With hands towards the heavens,
Screaming at each other;
How each is tired of living,
In that small igloo.

Or is it three disapproving faces,
Not excited to have metal prongs,
Shoved through their eyes,
And down their throats.

Or two bright windows,
Above a welcoming door,
On the best block of the neighborhood,
Each house eerily similar.

All of this,
On the canvas,
That is my only outlet.

This is really neat. (the more archaic form of neat that means cool, not tidy). In fact I think it could be tidier, tighter. Go right to the heart of it.

Flowing current
Happiness [comes] or [is ushered in by] or
[conducted by]
two tall, thin men
With hands towards the heavens,
Screaming at each other;
How each is tired of living,
In that small igloo.

Three faces,
Disapproving
of [how I get a charge out of]
metal prongs,
Shoved through their eyes,
And down their throats.

Play up electricity-related words like charge, conducted, etc that can give you more than one meaning.

Or two bright windows,
Above a welcoming door,
On the best block of the neighborhood,
Each house eerily similar.

I think I would say “eerily the same” as they are more than just similar.

All of this,
On the canvas,
That is my only outlet

How about a slight twist to these words, “all of” I think is not necessary…and I was thinking a play on the reversal of “my only”, or “only my” but perhaps it would be more effective to leave “only” out to say:

This is the canvas
That is my outlet.

I really enjoyed your write, very unusual and imaginative work and I hope you don't mind my tinkering with it.
(I’ve always thought of them as little faces, so will carry your “disapproving” image away with me.)
~chris

| Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like this piece, and i can really relate actually. I love those times when you can stare at anything and see only poetry or what you can relate it to in your own words. The other day I was looking through a yearbook and i began writing things about time, changes, the fragility of the world..and so on.

But I really liked how you parralleled a simple outlet with so much, it really leaves a lot to thought. keep up the great work:)

~flora~
| Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
  I always wished I was one of those writers who could look at something and see a thousand things staring back. I seem to always see less than what the item actually is. You are one of those writers. I have no critisism..not that I generally do for anyone. It was refreshing.
| Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
  This has alot of imagry, which is really nice. I like how you ended it:

All of this,
On the canvas,
That is my only outlet.

It makes it the reader think of an artist, yet obviously you write poetry, which is a form of art many do not reconize.

-orange

| Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, i really like your writing style, especially the visuals. This was fun to read, its good to see something that is not commenly written on... i can see the vision of a row of perfect houses in a neighborhood, my favorite part is definetly:
Or is it three disapproving faces,
Not excited to have metal prongs,
Shoved through their eyes,
And down their throats.
i could see this becoming a longer piece, but it is great the way it is too

that would be uncomfortable O_o
| Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

132752

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.