[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: You Could Be My Princedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 467
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1224

       An odd take on my life combined with The Little Mermaid...they correspond very well...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Could Be My Princedots

    You could be my prince,
    So handsome and sweet
    The very epitome of my dreams,
    Until crippled by deceit.
    You could be taken in
    By one of her eight sticky arms
    Fooled by her eyes
    Swayed by the borrowed charms
    You could be my saviour
    Though my innocence is gone
    Ripped from my throat and hidden away
    By the foulest woman I've ever known
    I could sit and watch from a distance,
    My nakedness covered by my bright red hair
    You could be the one to save me
    If you only took the time to care
    You could be the one to break the spell
    And give me back my voice
    You could make a happily ever after
    It is, in fact, your choice
    I saved you from the sea before
    Returned the air to your lungs
    Gave your heart a reason to live
    And a new song to be sung
    You could break free from her grasp
    You could turn away from those arms
    She only wants to drag you under
    She only wants to cause you harm
    You could be my prince
    You have everything, it seems
    But instead, you chose to live in your hovel,
    Fading with your broken dreams.

    Submitted on 2007-01-21 21:42:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the images you created by blending your story with the not-so happily-ever-after tale. I think it is a very unique re-telling. !
    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. I love this fairytale of the little mermaid. I am fairytale fan, but this one is simply too good.
    It sounds more like a story to me, but I like it.
    You have some very nice imageries here

    I think this one is really good.

    With love Sanam
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      :o.... hm. I totally love this, except for the phrase "live in your hovel".... :\ it breaks the rhythm and it's rather unpleasantly jarring. But other than that phrase, I really loved this! The imagery is nice, and the voice is clear and beautiful. ~Cora
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]