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    dots Submission Name: You Could Be My Princedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 496
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1224

       An odd take on my life combined with The Little Mermaid...they correspond very well...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Could Be My Princedots

    You could be my prince,
    So handsome and sweet
    The very epitome of my dreams,
    Until crippled by deceit.
    You could be taken in
    By one of her eight sticky arms
    Fooled by her eyes
    Swayed by the borrowed charms
    You could be my saviour
    Though my innocence is gone
    Ripped from my throat and hidden away
    By the foulest woman I've ever known
    I could sit and watch from a distance,
    My nakedness covered by my bright red hair
    You could be the one to save me
    If you only took the time to care
    You could be the one to break the spell
    And give me back my voice
    You could make a happily ever after
    It is, in fact, your choice
    I saved you from the sea before
    Returned the air to your lungs
    Gave your heart a reason to live
    And a new song to be sung
    You could break free from her grasp
    You could turn away from those arms
    She only wants to drag you under
    She only wants to cause you harm
    You could be my prince
    You have everything, it seems
    But instead, you chose to live in your hovel,
    Fading with your broken dreams.

    Submitted on 2007-01-21 21:42:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the images you created by blending your story with the not-so happily-ever-after tale. I think it is a very unique re-telling. !
    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. I love this fairytale of the little mermaid. I am fairytale fan, but this one is simply too good.
    It sounds more like a story to me, but I like it.
    You have some very nice imageries here

    I think this one is really good.

    With love Sanam
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      :o.... hm. I totally love this, except for the phrase "live in your hovel".... :\ it breaks the rhythm and it's rather unpleasantly jarring. But other than that phrase, I really loved this! The imagery is nice, and the voice is clear and beautiful. ~Cora
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]

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