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    dots Submission Name: Mid-Night Musedots

    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 366/364/154
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1018

       i began writing this half asleep
    last night at 3 a.m. trying desperately to fall into rem rest...

    insomnis: latin word in which we get our word insomnia.

    thanks for the encouragement on this one ,bill.

    written for Sacred Sindy

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMid-Night Musedots

    With strong statuesque strides
    Autumn is lassoed
    Sublimity swallowed
    The ebon tide ignited, and
    My sterile dusky mind becomes an orchard.

    By savory supple hips swaying
    Dripping tangerine thighs
    Fermented apple blossom caresses
    Sun blazed lips bursting with kaleidoscopic kisses, and
    The soliloquy of Sicilian eyes.

    There infinity mambos
    Topaz mountains quake
    Azalea skies herald our union
    Artichokes are stripped of their armor, and
    My prickly heart is consumed.

    Via the elegant arc of cameo curves
    Ample alabaster breasts
    Sweet pomegranate breezes emitted from sanctuary glances
    Whispers of apricot intimacy being etched upon my soul, and
    The burgundy blood of the vine overflowing from an avocado naval.

    You are never more majestic, mi amor
    then upon the still insomnis altar of my mid-night muse.

    Submitted on 2007-01-22 11:58:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My favourite lines of this are in the end of each stanza, which is the best place for them to be.

    I love how you present your love as a cornucopia of edible treasures. This makes it ever approachable, not only felt but tasted. A filling of the senses. The apricot is able to be savoured to the core, where the perpetual seed lies, and even the artichoke is stripped of its armour.

    Wonderfully done.

    | Posted on 2010-07-07 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Via the elegant arc of cameo curves
    Ample alabaster breasts
    Sweet pomegranate breezes emitted from sanctuary glances
    Whispers of apricot intimacy being etched upon my soul, and
    The burgundy blood of the vine overflowing from an avocado naval;

    You are never more majestic, mi amor
    then upon the still insomnis altar of my mid-night muse.

    Was this post in some way inspired by the Song of Solomon? The essential elements of Hebrew metaphor are generously heaped onto every line of this post until it almost loses its way in the language and mutes the emotion. Your style reminds me of the Renaissance poets, John Paul, and I'm certain you must have done a great deal of reading to acquire such a rich vocabulary. My only warning to you as you write is to make each word count toward the common goal of each post.

    Dulcinea must be enamored of your skill.
    Take care.

    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      to say this one is very good would be an understatement. you take poetry into the truest sense of the word, and on to the next veritable level of mushiness and an overdose of saccharinic sentiments- a seratonin shot to the brain. not many people have that ability to seamlessly weave such yarns.

    and you seem to be very fortunate enough to be touched by the ever elusive muse. regardless of what time it is on the clock.

    this piece seems to me, like a garden rife with ripe, fruitful words that grow in abundance, freshly tended to the peak of botanical beauty by the likes of neruda and other such contemporaries of this eden of words... oh how i envy you. i do so long to dwell in such places and yet, cant seem to find them.

    poor ol' me. lozl.

    anyway, keep it up man, dont let this sorry sod keep you from writing, as im sure there are more from where this came from. these are gems that wont lose their lustre for a very long, long time.

    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the ending and the parts where the emotion was able to peak through the array of modifiers. I think you definitely have your own voice and this piece isn't cliché but for me there's just too much going on for it to resonate as it might. I'd like to see you work on balancing metaphor/symbolism etc with story telling and by balancing I think the story has to be in the forefront. I don't spend a lot of time with freeverse and I get some poems and don't get others so if I'm missing everything then at least you know my heart was in the right place. You do have a vibrant style and ability with imagery.

    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. The imagery is packed in tightly between aliteration and assonance it all flowed smoothly for me until......the forth stanza you used the same technique( intenral rhyme i.e heart arc but the rest just diddn't seem to fit at least not as is. i really love this stanz but it almost read as a separate piece. Your stlye lends itself well to being read aloud but I just couldn't grasp the transitions rhythm. Overall a very good piece. thanks for the read. peace
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow bravo
    i think this will be one of my favourites now
    its very passionate and your word choices are amazing
    its sexy and flows fantastically
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]

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