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    dots Submission Name: In My Stomachdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1334

       Just one of those things...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn My Stomachdots

    I get this crazy feeling in my stomach
    Any time you cross my mind
    And I can't help but wonder
    Why I think about you all the time
    You shouldn't mean anything,
    Just another piece of my past
    You were the only love I ever had
    But your love just did not last
    Yet here you remain,
    In my heart and in my head
    And it seems that it's been ages
    Since that day you left my bed
    I even coined a term for you
    Called it "kamikaze butterflies"
    Just from the feeling that you give me
    And the way you make me high
    I hate that I still want you
    I wonder if you feel the same
    It seems I'm addicted to your body
    Guess I'm the only one to blame
    And I wish I could stop thinking of you
    And that I couldn't relate to every love song
    I wish that I could see you one more time,
    I haven't touched you in so long
    I wish that you could see me now
    I think I've come so very far
    Except each night I dream, with your name on my lips,
    And I wonder where you are
    And I get this crazy feeling in my stomach
    A yearning in every part
    Wherever you are, did you know
    That you're still here in my heart?

    Submitted on 2007-01-22 17:32:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Another very well done poem, which too many of us can empathize with...though the structure is very, very different this poem remind me of one of my fav poems by Arthur Symons, "Stella Maris" http://homepages.nildram.co.uk/~simmers/stellama.htm at any rate it is a fine poem... bravo... bravo ... bravo...
    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Gendel and Apathy were born inside the childs mind. Apathy was a creature living in the mind, a creature uncapable of any feeling other than hate. Apathy was a tortured, tortured by what she was. She took her pain and she used it as a sword against ideas that lived inside the child. She fed off the ideas and lay fat and pregnant inside a hell in the mind of the child. Pregnant with ignorance, born to the mind and named Grendel. Grendel held Apathy's hate, he was her hate, her blade of death. Apathy slept in hell while Grendel fed off ideas in the childs mind. He lived near the childs attention where the ideas came from.
    Few ideas still existed inside the mind. They hid in shallow pools throughout the vast valleys of the brain. They hid inside dreams, holy and pure,from the subconcious. Grendel could not enter the dreams, dare not enter. Nothing as completely evil as himself could survive in a place like the dreams. They were an untouched uncorrupted place, if Grendel entered the dreams they would soon become nightmares and the child would wake and he would be trapped, he would be erased from the childs mind.
    Tonight the child lay dreaming. Apathy slept in her hell and Grendel walked in the mind unconscious, in a trance like state while the childs attention held his dreams. Outside the childs mind, in a music box across the room a hero slid into vibrations and soundwaves that traveled through the air and into the ears of the child. The hero was Knowledge, his name was Beowulf. Beowulf was a traveler, spread through life and passed on and on. His purpose was to erase ignorance and apathy in their many forms. He came from from books and lived inside minds, to be passed on once attained, through the mouth of people he occupied and onto others that could hear of him. He lived in paintings and music, many different places where knowledge and ideas could be found.
    While the child slept and Grendel was unaware, Beowulf slipped into the mind through the subconscious. He greeted the ideas and talked with them of his plans to rid them of the evil inside the mind of the child. He would be the protector of ideas. The ideas regarded Beowulf with skepticism, laced thinly with hope.
    Spoke from the ideas, "What makes you capable of conquering Apathy and her conceived fruit when no one else has?"
    Beowulf smiled and replied, "Because I am knoledge, and I have come to you, to this child, through dreams. I have faith that I will not be forgotten like many of his ideas. I live and come from far away, I am clever and the child will remember me."
    And with these words the ideas rejoiced and dined on the only thing that ideas have to dine on. There was a great feast and they were happy. The ideas didn't know how Grendel would be defeated, but Knowledge had come, and he had come to be remembered.
    Once the child woke, from the pits of hell, Apathy, bearing hunger and hatred opened her eyes. She yawned, stretched...cood and finally called after Grendel. Grendel came quickly. He stood at Apathy's feet and waited for her to speak.

    When words did come from her salivating tunnel, they came as emaciated whispers.
    Her whispers, " Grendel, I am starved. I am weak and laying in this hell growing weaker still. I cannot move to feed myself, but you have the strength of the immortal. You can get ideas for me and I can gain my strength and then we will, my darling ignorance, be able to conquer this mind at last. It will be our home."


    Grendel left at once, wasting no time he started towards the direction of the subconscious. Grendel walked with increasing momentum, grunting and stomping his ugly feet, he advanced in the direction of dreams.
    The ideas gathered in the corner of dreams. Humid tension sucked at the air inside the subconscious and replaced it with a thick suffocating wetness. Beowulf stood in the middle of the room, solemnly holding his head down, as if praying. Grendel came inside, tearing tissue and cells as he tore the door from its hinges. Beowulf steadied himself as Grendel advanced towards him. Inside it became dark, a feeling of fear choked through the room. The ideas trembled inside the dreams that were quickly turning to nightmares. The warriors fought and the tension rose. The ideas gasped for air as Beowulf tore hair and flesh from Grendels body. Grendel screamed, the tension growing, growing, growing, the ideas trembling, fear mounting. All at once the child woke. He looked about his room, searching for light in his bedroom. He clutched to his sheets, violently trying to shake his fear from his nightmare from him like sweat. The child sobbed, paying no mind to the audibility of his vioce. The radio continued to play, for a moment turned to static and then a melody drifted from the speakers. The child lowered his head to his pillow, looking still around the room. His eyes fluttered, the sleep he'd been trying to push away overcame him. A dream crept upon the child, the dream filled with clever ideas that formed the face of a Bard that told the child great stories. The child's mind was wiped clean, free from ignorance, Apathy soon to die. Knowledge sacrificed to the greater good.

    | Posted on 2007-01-29 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a common subject to write about, but this poem has unique lines that I have never thought of. I loved the "kamikaze butterflies". A very awesome thought! O! What I especially loved is

    "Except each night I dream, with your name on my lips"

    that is a feeling I am sure most people get, even though it is of no fault of their own because we can't control our dreams, and you talk about not wanting to feel for him. Also I loved how you focused on the bad feeling in your stomach, which is something that does happen but people never mention it. Good job!!!

    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the theme...longing...oh how I love the longing.
    The flow is good but maybe if some of the words are cut back a bit it might flow even better. Yet that is just me...I'm a minimalist by nature. You have a pure heart here...cheers for showing it such light.
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      first things first
    oh how i hate those love songs when you go to get cigs to calm those butterflies lol
    good piece
    i really liked the rhyming although i normally dont care for it
    you made it work well and the piece would be lacking with out it
    but yeah good job
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]

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