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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lonliness of the heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: girly101
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 287/237/139
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 268
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 593



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLonliness of the heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    With tainted blood,
    and tears dark as mudd,
    with no one to hold me while I shiver,
    I cry this crimson river.

    With fear in my eyes,
    I hold back muffled cries,
    I'm dying within,
    as the pain scorches my skin.

    And with this knife I leave another mark,
    as I sit here blinded in this dark,
    closed is my heart not sewn,
    as I sit here in the cold all alone.

    It is myself i'll never find,
    because im lost in my mind,
    away from humanity,
    ... and gone from sanity.




    Submitted on 2007-01-23 07:15:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow I like it, nice work I like the visual and how it felt real and especially with emotion, I like this poem alot I hope to read more from you as I hope you will read from me anyways, again you did a good job, keep it up peace & stay safe.... -Cordell
    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      In the line:
    "i crie this crimson river"
    I believe you mean "cry"
    In the line:
    "im dieing within"
    I believe you mean "I'm dying within"

    Typos take away from the poem, so make sure you proof your poems before submitting, if you don't it seems like you don't put effort in.

    On the poem itself, it's dark, of course. Usually dark poems are better if there is not forced rhyme; try writing this poem, without rhyme, and the emotions will come out closer to your feelings, and the poems will be darker, and much better. Leave forced structured rhyme to more basic ideas, not dark angst.
    All in all, good write, keep it up.

    Mykquillion
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem shows the pain you are going throw and it really made me feel that pain and sadness < Sniff!!! > you did Great , keep going! < thumbs up >
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by Squall Leon Hea | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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