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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Runawaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SnakeBite7
    ASL Info:    19/M/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 108/143/66
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 1136
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1962



    Description:
       A song about a family starting over and moving to the big city in pursuit of happiness. That's all i got for this one, i find it full of hope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRunawaydots
    -------------------------------------------




    Oh mother my hands are bleeding
    Can you tell me itís not that bad.
    Oh mother can you please stop crying
    It makes it hurt more to see you sad.

    Oh father can you calm her down?
    I know this isnít very pretty.
    Oh father we all hate this town.
    Why donít we move to the city?

    Where we can get a new home
    And maybe make a new friend
    And we can be free to roam
    And maybe start over again.

    Where we can follow the beats
    Of a talented fool
    And we can walk these crowded streets
    With a skyline so blue.

    Oh mother donít take it so hard
    I had no choice but to fight.
    Oh mother our hopes run quite far.
    So let me show you the light.

    Oh father weíll all get new jobs.
    If we can run away from this place.
    Oh father, please stop the sobs.
    Running down motherís face.

    Oh brother wonít you listen
    This isnít our kingdom.
    Oh brother the signs, they all glisten
    Beckoning to our freedom.

    We can get a new home
    And maybe make a new friend
    And we can be free to roam
    And maybe start over again.

    We can follow the beats
    Of a talented fool
    And we can walk these crowded streets
    With a skyline so blue.

    Oh mother itís time to go
    We let this get out of hand
    Oh mother it just goes to show
    That we are just like the sand

    Oh father you canít figure it out
    There are so many like us
    Oh father we cannot hold more doubt
    We cannot fade like the dust.

    We can get a new home
    And maybe make a new friend
    And we can be free to roam
    And maybe start over again.

    Oh mother my hands are bleeding
    Can you tell me itís not that bad.





    Submitted on 2007-01-23 16:41:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem. I could relate to this alot because my family moves alot. But yeah I have to agree with ron and dimension it had great rhyme, I liked the theme, and the flow was great. Mind giving me some feedback on my work?

    Thanks Meg
    | Posted on 2007-07-09 00:00:00 | by Megsrus aka Meg | [ Reply to This ]
      I miss reading your stuff, but now that I have, I realized how much I've been missing! I like this piece alot, the flow, the rhyme, the theme. amazing, really. I loved the part about the talented fool. The entire thing actually, it's all written really well. kudos duffy.

    <3
    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
      Snake
    This write is INCREDIBLE!!!
    By far one of your best writes I have read
    This flows beautifully and really takes on a life of its own with its own inground beat
    This write really hit home for me as I just moved back to New Jersey to help my Mom
    Excellent Job!!!
    I am making this one a Favorite!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    132946

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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