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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark Angel Valentinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sageeriol
    ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314/322/106
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 943
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1018



    Description:
       Valentines day is coming. I have always been alone on V-day. I was looking forward to breaking that curse this year and my fiance left me for someone else.


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    dotsDark Angel Valentinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I believed you when you said forever.
    I held you when you though the world was falling.
    I stand alone with the tears falling all around me.
    Be mine one last time.
    I swear tha you wont forget it.
    Be my dark angel valentine.
    Be the one that I still love and hate so much.
    I had you in my arms.
    I needed your touch and your heart.
    Blackened my soul has ceased to feel.
    Shattered my heart is gone.
    My blood runs cold and the world falls away.
    Be mine just for tonight.
    Be the one damned and blessed.
    Be my dark angel valentine.
    Hear my pleas and remember that you were my only one.
    Look into my eyes and surrender to my pain.
    You have been my downfall
    My dying rose.
    You were my shooting star and you faded.
    You placed your dagger in my chest.
    You owe me one last favor.
    Be mine in the shadows.
    Be the promise made and broken.
    Be my dark angel valentine.




    Submitted on 2007-01-24 11:23:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I love this. This is almost exactly how I feel.

    "Be my dark angel valentine.
    Hear my pleas and remember that you were my only one.
    Look into my eyes and surrender to my pain.
    You have been my downfall
    My dying rose.
    You were my shooting star and you faded.
    You placed your dagger in my chest."

    This whole section really stood out to me. This whole section really described a lot of what I've put myself through lately. [By lately I mean.. Roughly the past year.]

    Thank you for writing this. : )
    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by dark_dreams6789 | [ Reply to This ]
      dude man i love how morbid you get with love.....rock the F U C K on

    when you get a chance go check out my newest ones
    | Posted on 2007-02-03 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this.its got a lot of feeling to it and i love the way you fraised things,how you have us good visualze,like how you said Blackened my soul has ceased to feel.
    Shattered my heart is gone.
    My blood runs cold and the world falls away.
    and i just like how you related how things were to other things like You were my shooting star and you faded
    and how you called her your dying rose.

    awsome rite
    ~~safire~~
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually, she left you because you couldn't get your [censored] straight. And because you lied over and over. And I love how you can email a sweet little message saying you are happy for her and you never hated her and what ever else you said, and then turn around and go back on it.

    ...wait...

    ....wait...

    oh yeah, story of our relationship.
    | Posted on 2007-01-26 00:00:00 | by Brandiness | [ Reply to This ]
      I can understand the Valentine curse. It plagues me as well. Very good poem - the only point I'd make is some small spelling mistakes - line 2 'when you though' should it be 'thought'? and line 5 'tha' into 'that'. The only other point I have in that sort of direction is punctuation - there were several points I thought a comma would make it flow better:

    'Blackened my soul has ceased to feel.
    Shattered my heart is gone.'
    'Blackened, my soul has ceased to feel,
    Shattered, my heart is gone.'

    Very simple changes like that - the comma instead of the full stop at the end means that it doesn't seem so choppy and the extra commas just add meaning and flow...there are possibly too many full stops, it would flow better if you could link some of the other sentences with commas...

    Other than those minor points I found it a good read. I particularly liked the last three lines...
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]


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